Date Lines and Dentists

I don’t know which is better, easing the Band-Aid off your boo-boo, or just rip that thing off in one fell swoop?

                                      We are facing a similar dilemma with traveling around the globe but are powerless to make our own decision on this problem.

 We are experiencing Boat-Lag.

This similar to Jetlag but much slower.

Every few nights we are instructed to turn our clocks back one hour. This means that we gain an hour each time that we perform this task.

Yay!!!  Extra Sleep Time!!!

Or in my case I just get up earlier for a day until the change makes its full 24-hour cycle. This is not an issue.

Until…. There are several days in a row that require us to move the time. This is more predicated on the actual time of our next destination. We need to arrive and be experiencing the same time-zone as that port.

But wait!

The International Date Line is looming on the horizon (literally)! When we pass in this direction (we are traveling westbound) we lose a day!

What a rip-off!

We signed up for a 111-day cruise not a 110-day one!

But wait again!

We get all that time back, in little one-hour bits, because since we travel in the same direction and set our clocks back 24 times (24 time zones around the world) we gradually end up with a net/net gain/loss of zero!

          Don’t worry there will be no quiz on this, it took me a while to come to grips with it!

          The only thing for us to grip now is that Band-Aid analogy and as I said, we don’t have any control of it!

          So….. Zzzzzzzzzz!

We arrived Los Angeles just in time for me to make my dentist appointment.

          Yes friends, my dentist is located in West Covina, California so I thought that since we were going to be in town for a day, I would make an appointment.

          How convenient!

          What a load of crap!

          The real story is that exactly one day before our departure from Texas, I developed a significant toothache. I am no stranger to these unpleasant experiences. My root-canals have all been re-done over the years, so I am a professional dentist goer.

          But I am also a professional procrastinator, so when you combine those two professions guess which one wins?

          You got it!

I am a card-carrying member of Procrastinators International!

 So…. It’s been a few since I’ve been to my dentist. Now, there’s absolutely no time to even try to get an appointment in Texas, so Advil’s become my best little friends, and this somewhat calms the situation down.

But…. What if I’m in Malaysia or some other strange, scary place that has witch doctors for dentists?

I know!

I’ll call my in-laws, Dan, and Linda (Travis’s parents) and have them help me get an appointment at their dentist in two weeks’ time when we reach Los Angeles.

(The reason that I am relating this adventure to all of you is that there is a lesson to be learned here and it’s not what you think.)

          Linda and Dan come through like the champions that they are and procure a 10 AM appointment for me. The ship docks around 7 AM, we can disembark around 8 AM and hopefully it does not take two hours to make the commute back to West Covina.

          I say hopefully because since this foray into the wilds of the Los Angeles Freeway System is not a Princess sponsored excursion, they have no obligation to hold the ship for me if I am late. All-aboard is supposed to be at 2:15 PM and you would think that there is plenty of time for us to make this 37-mile round-trip and get treated by a good ol’ USA dentist.

          But… Dan is stuck in traffic (already) and is about 45 minutes late picking me up. Driving in LA is akin only to maybe Singapore or Mumbai. I can personally attest to the fact that NYC has nothing on Los Angeles when it comes to traffic!

There is a happy ending here. My tooth had stopped hurting one day after we left Fort Lauderdale, but I figured that I should not tempt fate any more than I already had, so I kept the appointment and we found out that there was a small infection (“See that little dark spot there?” …. “No Doc, I don’t… I’ll just take your word for it. “)

 Anyway, a script for some antibiotics for now and some for later (if the problem resurfaces) and away we went. There was a wait at Walgreens, and I needed to stop for a new piece of luggage as one of the ones we used got smushed. When we arrived at the check-out line at Burlington there was (just) one checkout girl who was slowly taking care of a return and a line of six ladies waiting with carts full of clothes to purchase. I said to Dan, “This does not look good!” Dan walks over to the gaggle of purchasing patrons and announces, “Ladies, I need to get this guy back to San Pedro so he can catch his ship that will leave without him if he’s not there on time….. Would you mind if we got in line in front of you?”

 It was pensive few moments before they agreed and surrendered their places in line to the two guys with the frantic look in their eyes.

          Back on the Freeway, only a few “Red Zones” came up on my Google Maps Directions and our ETA at the ship looked good. Arriving in time I hopped out with my Gigundo Suitcase which everyone obviously assumed that it was full since I was boarding a cruise ship! They were all very impressed with my apparent strength as I heaved that puppy around like I was Mr. Universe in the body-building competition!

          Finally aboard, I took out my Handy-Dandy Princess Medallion App and located Miss Paula up on the Sun Deck.

          This is where the lesson comes in.

          One must be careful upon opening the doors of a ship on a windy day. These doors are designed with a closing-retarding-slow-it-down type mechanism so that they don’t slam. Upon exiting the passageway on the Sun Deck, I realized that I was going in the wrong direction. I quickly reversed course only to find that the door was still where I had left it.

 Open.

With the edge pointed right at my face.

          Bang!

          “That’s going to leave a mark” I said to myself as I adjusted the glasses on my face. I knew that there was going to be some damage and that really became apparent as I could feel some “liquid stuff’ dripping down my face. I went to the nearest bar (not for what you think!) and asked the horrified bartender for a damp paper towel. I am on blood thinners, so I am quite sure that my apparent distress looked far worse than it was. Hastily getting me that paper towel, he asked if I’d like him to call a Medic. I seized my chance here, and in my best British accent, I was able to use my favorite quote from Monty Python and the Holy Grail when the Black Knight has his arm and legs cut off but still insisted on fighting claiming that “It’s only a flesh wound!”

Unfortunately, I do not think that this bartender, who was from India, had seen that movie, as my quote had absolutely no effect on him.

          So… the lesson here is if you ever find yourselves going for a dentist appointment in a strange port and need to get back to the ship in a timely manner and then look for your Honey after boarding, Do Not rush through that supposedly open and not closed door unless the bartender has seen Monty Python and can appreciate the quote that you throw out at him!