Month: October 2022

Well, now that we’re back in Texas, and our chores are done, (at least the ones waiting for us) we have set our sights on the next adventure, that of the World Cruise commencing on 5 January of 2023. We are desperately trying to tie up any loose ends that may cause an issue if they unravel during the four months that we’ll be away. Tidying up doctor’s visits and prescription refills are on the top of the agenda and are proceeding nicely. We did get the Platinum Package of Cruise Insurance for all the obvious reasons including the Big One… (No! Not THAT one! You know…. just in case we get sick enough to warrant an early departure from the ship.)

          You Never Know…

          So armed with that comfort of mind we are going through the checklists of recommended items to bring along and making arrangements for excursions in the fifty or so Ports of Call that are on our Itinerary.

          The Cruise is from the beginning of January to the end of April, 111 days all together. As I mentioned, there are about fifty Ports so, that leaves us with about half of the voyage doing just that…. voyaging!

          ‘Days at Sea’ are actually my favorites. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to visit all of the interesting places that are scheduled, but I do enjoy just being on the water. The Art of Relaxation is something that is entirely foreign to me. I do envy those that can sit by a poolside or on the beach for hours and hours without a care in the world.

          But that’s not me.

          Besides having Restless Leg Syndrome (for which I am the Poster Child) I seem to always need to be moving. Kind of like those sharks that need to keep swimming forever in order to keep water flowing past their gills in order to breathe.

          So, I use my time wisely on board and roam the ship making sure that everything is running nicely. My goal is to actually gain access to the Bridge before the end of the cruise and let the helmsman take a break so I can take over for a while.

          Hah! Fat Chance! (But I’ll try anyway!)

          One of the activities that occur on the days at sea are the Formal Nights for dinner. This Elegant Evening happens on practically every cruise on every cruise line on the planet. It is a favorite of most of the female passengers, and maybe not so much of the male variety. The rules of these evenings are spelled out nicely, but not really enforced unless you insist on dining in your tank-top and cut-offs. The suggested attire is gowns for the ladies and tuxedos or dark suits for the gentlemen. But, if you show up in the dining room looking at least neat and tidy, no one will escort you out…. They do realize that YOU are the guests here. In reality you just end up looking stupidly out of place if you insist on dining there. We’ve been on cruises where we intentionally did not pack any fancy duds. In those cases, we had dinner up on the Lido Deck, where the buffet is always out and usually consists of some of the fare that is being served down in the dining room anyway.

          This way, we did not look uncomfortably out of place and had a nice meal to boot!

          The number of  Formal Nights depends somewhat on the length of the Voyage. There are usually two Formal Nights on a seven-day outing, probably three on a ten to twelve day sailing and the numbers go up from there.

          I don’t know the exact number (yet) of proposed Formal Nights, but we’re out for 111 days so just by doing the math we are expecting quite a few.

          Back in the day I actually owned two tuxedos.

          Now, I don’t own any.

          I’ve gone both routes here, bringing my own and renting one through the cruise line where it magically appears in your stateroom upon your embarkation.         

          Enter COVID.

          The rental folks that Princess used to use did not survive the Cruise Industry Shutdown and they (Princess) have yet to find anyone else to fill that void. So, what’s a cruise guy to do? Remember before when I said that I used to have two tuxes? (Note the Past Tense) When we were downsizing in order to fit everything  that we needed into the motorhome, we tried to envision our lives going forward.

          They did not include Tuxedos! (Not that I would have been able fit into them anyway!)

          Now I don’t mind getting dressed up and I actually think Tux’s are just fine. We also just finished binge-watching Downton Abbey for the second time, so we had quite the taste of formal dining  in our minds as this Dilemma of Magnificent Proportions presented itself. We also did not want to stick out like some country bumpkins’ in the dining room filled with some extremely well-to-do folks that can afford like a hundred thousand dollars for one of those fancy suites! We are just fine with our Inside Cabin thank you, but we don’t need to amplify the fact that we are definitely on the lower tier of the financially viable folks on board!

          (The great equalizer is that the sights that we will be seeing are available to everyone, no Class distinctions there!)

          Back to the Tuxedo Trauma. Renting one on dry land for an extended period would not be a fiscally smart move so the next best thing is to purchase one (and all of the accoutrements) and bring it on board with us. Off to Men’s Wearhouse in College Station (home of Texas A&M and the Aggies) where we were amply served by Brody and Perla. They outdid themselves and I am now the proud owner of a new tuxedo, shirt, shoes, etc. The best part was that the bow tie was Buy One, Get One… so I procured a very nice velvet maroon one!

          Paula helped with all of these Very Important Decisions and looked me up and down as I stood there modeling the Fancies…… until she realized that she may need to procure a few more Evening Gowns!

          Fashion Show!

Well, we haven’t even been back in Texas a week yet and we’ve already had a Tornado Watch. May be I should have done a little more research before settling on agreeing to spend a seemingly massive (in this case) amount of time here.

          It turns out that the Great State of Texas, where everything is bigger (more) than normal, either by design or just luck, ranks #1 in the not-so- great category of the annual  Most Tornadoes in a Year contest.

          Yay!!!

          We’re #1!  We’re #1!  We’re #1!

          Which also makes us #1 in the world because (tornadoes occur on six of our seven continents, none in Antarctica) the United States ranks first in the world in tornadoes, and Texas is the State that has the most of these whirling dervishes. Texas averages 135  tornadoes per year, followed by Kansas with 91 and Oklahoma with 75. All 50 states have recorded tornadoes at one time or another.

          I can assure you that when you are sitting around waiting for the calamity to ensue, that this is a somewhat uncertain honor.

          So, why here?

          Knowing now how the minds of true Texans work, I am quite sure that someone would like to claim that it was all part of the plan…. that Texas is bigger, and better, than everyone else. In some cases, Texas is bigger (quantitative) and maybe better (qualitative) but geography plays the most important part in determining the frequency of these Dorothy and Toto Transporters.

          The warm moist Gulf of Mexico air works its way northward over the land while the air flowing from the west meets the Rocky Mountains (to the west) which (as it flows over the mountains) cools and dries this advancing air mass. It then collides (an appropriate verb here) with that hot, moist, energy-filled Gulf air, driving a wedge of cooler and dryer air beneath it causing it to rise which makes the Gulf Air cool, condense, and wring itself of all of that moisture in the form of thunderstorms along the advancing cold front. The vertical and horizontal movements of this air mass combined with the dynamics of the convective and conductive nature of a thunderstorm, provides the ideal conditions for the development of our new (not best friend) Mr. Tornado.

          Nowhere on our planet is there a replication of this type of geography…. the Gulf of Mexico slightly east and south of a major mountain range to its west.

          Ta-Da!

          We have the mostest and bestest (adverbial superlatives definitely intended) places on our Planet for breeding Tornadoes. It’s not called Tornado Alley for nothing!

          That’s the end of our combined Geography and Meteorology portion of today’s post…… 😊

          We will now concentrate on another Biggest Category and that is the Cracked Windshield award.

          This season’s winners are Paula McCarthy and Don Hall who have amassed a total of no less than seven separate (very long) cracks in their Motorhome Windshield!

          A big round of applause for our winners please!

          It was touch and go for a while, the competition is fierce in the Big, Flat, Motorhome Windshield Projectile Gathering category, but as luck would have it, somewhere on the last day of travel before needing to report to the judges, a massive “Top to Bottom” crack was discovered as the windshield was being cleaned and de-bugged. It was confirmed as a “New Crack” which made it eligible for addition into the “Total Inches” section of the judging criteria. It was reported that Mrs. McCarthy and Mr. Hall were delirious with joy upon learning that they had captured First Place in this highly competitive contest.

          As the Motorhome is registered in Brenham, Texas, The Great State of Texas has quickly followed with a statement of its own claiming the honor of the “Biggest and Best Cracked Windshield” for this, the 2022 Traveling Season.

          The Award Ceremony will be held in Moraine, Ohio, the site of the worlds largest auto glass manufacturing plant, later this year.

          Upon learning of this, Texas has begun building a new windshield manufacturing plant that will be larger than the one in Ohio.

          Film at 11.

So…

          What’s in Texas? (You may be asking yourself.)

          Actually, the two questions that we get most is “Where are you in Texas?” and “How far are you from Chip and Joanna?”

          Those are excellent questions as Texas is about as vast as it gets. Waco, (a.k.a. ‘Chip and Joanna’ ) is about two hours away so we only get to see them every other week or so and we usually swap visits. Chip really likes Paula’s meatloaf! As for our location, it takes us two days to leave the state when we work our way to the west. Everyone knows the major cities so saying, We live halfway between Houston and Austin narrows it down a bit. That is all well and good, but if I gave you a map of Texas and asked you to pinpoint those cities…. Would you be able to?

          For your perusal pleasure, I am including a map of Texas here for easy reference.

          As you can see, El Paso is pretty far away. It is almost 700 miles from us and in a motorhome that translates to about 14 plus hours of driving and where that can be accomplished in one very long day, it is much better to find a place to stop for the night and proceed the next day.

          Our little spot in Brenham is perfect for us. We have a concrete pad that we poured right next to the corral at Danny and Kaitie’s place.

Brenham is in the heart of Washington County which is the actual birthplace of Texas. Many moons ago some guys got together at Washington-on-the-Brazos and pissed off the Mexican guys by declaring themselves to be a new nation. It’s nice having the local history so near. We are also in the best place to witness the annual emergence of the famed Bluebonnets. These pretty flowers stay out for about a month in the spring, and they are everywhere! Even the sides of the road are covered, and the Road Crews refrain from mowing the sides and medians of the roads until they have stopped blooming.       There are several “favorite” spots along the roads where folks from the city come up to take their family photos in the middle of these gorgeous fields.

As you can see, we’re surrounded by fields and woodlands

          Back at the Ranch we help out with the chores when we are there. My favorite thing to do is keep the corral “Raked”. This done by towing a special metal apparatus around it with the tractor or 4-wheel side-by-side. It’s kind of like dragging a chain link fence around. It levels and distributes the piles of manure so that it dries nicely, and this helps alleviate some of the flies. Plus, it looks nice which helps me with my Lawn-Mowing-Experience-Withdrawal because the grass down here not only is not the same as in Jersey, it doesn’t grow as fast because of the drier climate.

          Yes, there are flies.

          There are also scorpions, and other Texas-sized bugs to be aware of. The howl of the local coyotes is heard nightly and as long as you are not a chicken that forgot to go home for the evening, it sounds kind of nice. We even have wild pigs. These are feral pigs that are descendants of domesticated ones from back in the day. I guess that they wanted their independence from Mexico also. There are over two million of these critters roaming the countryside doing over two billion dollars in agricultural damage annually.

          Yes, they are hunted! (and are rather dangerous as they are very ferocious)

          We also tackle a few special projects like the Goat Mansion that we built last year. Danny and Kaitie keep adding small parcels of land that are contiguous (or almost contiguous) in order to keep adding to the ranch and keep “others” at bay.

          The land gets “manicured”, that is, somewhat cleared but only of unwanted small stuff like cedars. The Live Oak and Post Oak trees are then left to grow nicely without having to compete with the other unwanted species. After a few months, you can’t even tell that they had even been growing there. All the trunks have been pulled, and the ground leveled. It ends up looking very nice.

The large, very expensive, quintessential Texas ranches all have their share of Live and Post Oak trees growing in their fields. They are very prettily shaped trees, and they provide nice, shady spots for the cattle that usually inhabit those ranches. I don’t think that we will see cattle at Danny and Kaitie’s place, just horses, which right now there are four of.

          And… they don’t all get along.

           There is always a pecking order when it comes to the barnyard and clearing the land so that the corral, et al, can be expanded just makes sense for the well-being of these guys. (Think separating your kids at the dinner table in order to insure a calm eating experience.)

          Our “pad” here has water and full 50-amp electric service. The only thing that we need to move for is to dump our holding tanks. This ritual occurs about once a week and it means traveling five miles down the road to the State Park at Lake Somerville. I really don’t mind this as it make us a start everything  up and drive it. This is good for all of my mechanical friends that live down below, the motor, transmission, wheel bearings, etc. It is always good to exercise these guys.

          So, there is probably a good amount of chores waiting for us when we get back to Texas in a few days. Danny has been on the “Pipeline” (Kansas) for the entire season and Kaitie obviously has the Important Parts of the Critter Keeping to do besides taking care of Maddie and working. But we love a good project so I’m sure that we’ll be ready to dive right in as soon as we return!

Well, it has been two full days of traveling hundreds and hundreds of miles and we have yet to see any of those pesky little ‘Check Engine’ lights come on. We communicated with the boys in Houston (Campbell’s Freightliner in Lafayette) yesterday and they were happy about that news! They have yet to accept any payment from us for this until we’re absolutely sure that the issue is resolved. As I write this we are safely parked in my cousin Mari’s driveway just outside of Atlanta. These are the folks that I haven’t seen since the middle 1800’s. We had a great night last night as her kids and my other cousins (Mari’s brother and sister, who have passed) kids came over to meet us.

We’re really glad that we ‘detoured’ and made our way down here. Never underestimate the power of a family get-together!

The further Adventures of Winne(‘Bago) 1

“Houston, we have a problem….”

          “Ahh, ‘Bago 1’ could you please repeat that???

          “Roger Houston, I repeat, we do have a problem”

          “What do you mean, ‘We have a problem’, you just left here!          Please hold this for Command, they’re gonna wanna hear this one! ‘We have a problem’…. Sheesh! who do you think you are? Tom Hanks and Jim Lovell? Ha-Ha-Ha!

          “Hey guys! Get a load of this one!”

          (Me covering the mic so I can talk just to Paula) “I knew it was a bad idea to call back to base!”

          “Ok, ‘Bago 1′, please explain this one!

          “Roger CapCom, We were proceeding on course and on time. All systems were ‘Go’, no indications of any issues. About 80 miles out and still in our initial ‘burn’ to leave orbit we encountered some of the same glitches that initially aborted some of the previous missions. We thought that these ‘issues’ had ben addressed, but while gliding through the Lehigh Valley, about 2/3 of the way to our first rendezvous and course correction, we had multiple warning lights.”

          “Roger that ‘Bago 1′, the boys in the lab suggest that you attempt a return to base, the only good thing here is that you won’t need to go all the way to the moon to slingshot around it in order to make it back here like they did back with Apollo 13. The experts agree that an “All Stop” is in order, then fire your retrorockets and take the same course back here. They will be waiting with the portable computer so that the ‘Hard Codes’, that will still be there, can be analyzed and a recommended course of action will be put in place.”

          Well folks, as they say …. You can’t make this stuff up.

          It turns out that there are several “Codes” that come up when those pesky Check Engine lights come on and they are not specific enough to drill down to the exact cause. In this case it was still all part of that after-treatment of the exhaust. We made it back to Base and turned it over to the boys in the lab. They felt that they had it this time. In all fairness to them, the probable offending parts had previously checked out and were within the parameters of working correctly.

          Anyway, Paula and I then went back the way we had just come. We figured that we would spend the night with her cousin anyway as it had already been planned (and the alternative was a night at the repair facility) Today we went back to Base and picked up ‘Bago 1’ and then went back down (3^rd time now!) the way we had just come from.

          This report is being written in Staunton, Virginia (over 300 miles away) and so far we have not had to call back to Houston and repeat that dreaded phrase!

Dateline: Augusta, New Jersey – Launch Site Command –  0400 hours.

          “Good Morning everyone, Walter Concrete reporting. We are here in a secure bunker in the cornfield directly across from the  site of today’s highly anticipated launch of the two brave ‘Bagonauts who are scheduled to begin their much-delayed mission to the second largest Planet State in our system, that of Texaranus. The scheduled launch time is 0900 EDT but as we all have experienced in the past, almost anything can creep up and bite them in the tailpipe. In fact, we’ve been here twice before in the last few weeks only to have the Mission put on hold for indefinite amounts of time while practical, and personal, glitches were sorted out. It is now reported that these various issues have been somewhat contained for at least the foreseeable future enabling Mission Control to resume the Countdown that was initially started some time during the week prior to Labor Day.

          The Command Vehicle is a beautiful sight this morning, it sits there on the pad glistening in the pre-dawn darkness, illuminated only by the glow of the sodium-vapor lamps of Yetter’s Parking Lot. That 0900-launch time is, however, fairly nebulous as the built-in Automatic Hold for breakfast at the Diner can be extended depending on how many well-wishers (and debt collectors) show up before the scheduled launch time.

          The Mission has been carefully plotted and installed into the Navicomputer, which is conveniently stored in The Co-Commander’s brain, which is that of Captain Paula McCarthy. It seems that the other Co-Commander of this Mission, Captain Don Hall is content with his role in this adventure, that of Chief Officer in Charge of Windshield Cleaning.

          The Route that has been plotted will take them initially into Douglasville, Pennsylvania where they are scheduled for an overnight layover at Carol and Glenn’s (of Ortley Beach fame) before resuming their southward journey. The next course correction will occur near Atlanta Georgia, where they will encounter several old cousins of Captain Don’s who, as he puts it, “I haven’t seen since the middle 1800’s”. We expect that may be somewhat of an exaggeration, but then, we never know with him. After that brief layover, the course will be altered one final time and plotted almost due west for a scheduled soft-landing sometime Friday afternoon. That is, if the ‘Bagonauts don’t succumb to the temptations to do a fly-by of the mysterious place called ‘Narlans’ by the local indigenous inhabitants, but we all know it as ‘New Orleans’. Only time will tell. Captain Don is scheduled to give us timely reports over the course of the Mission, so stay tuned to this station for further updates.”

          “This has been Walter Concrete reporting……. film at 11.”

So, while the Cat (Paula) is away, What does the Mouse (Me) do?

          Paula is still up in Vermont with her sister who is recuperating nicely with the help of Paula who is a trained CMA, and who worked in a surgeon’s office for years. Paula is scheduled to return this coming Monday, Columbus Day. Her son Matt, and his family, are going up for the weekend and if all goes well, and Barbara feels good enough, they will transport Paula back to North Jersey. The original plan was for me to drive back up there and pick her up. We had allowed two weeks for this exercise to pan out so, I went ahead and scheduled the final Doctor’s appointments accordingly. Unfortunately, my last one is that next Friday, so, even if Paula were to return earlier than planned on Monday, we will still need to stay around for that last Doc Visit.

          So, what does the Mouse do?

          Well, he tries his best to keep busy and put everything that we were doing together (like binge-watching Downton Abbey for the second time) on hold. These types of activities need to be replaced with something else, so I’ve watched a few movies that are not on Paula’s Favorites List like, Haunted Motorhomes from Hell and Why Did You Pick Up That Hitchhiker?

          Only kidding! I never watch anything even remotely scary!

          So, Star Wars and History-Type movies have been inserted into the DVD player, much to my delight.

          I’ve also had the opportunity to spend and entire day in NYC with Jan and Kyle (her son) from Ideal Farms. It seems that about eight years ago they somehow were able to get involved with the Manhattan Plaza, a very large high-rise complex just on the other side of the Lincoln Tunnel, between 9^th and 10^th on 43^rd Street. There is a small park-like alcove right on the street where the landlord has some vendors set up on different days of the week. Ideal Farm’s day is Thursdays during the months of May through the end of October. They show up with all kinds of fresh produce, homemade cider donuts, cookies and other home baked goods, and seasonal decorations, just as you may imagine.

          Last week they were short a person (this is definitely a three -person endeavor) so Jan said to herself, “Hey, Donny’s not doing anything! I’ll ask him!”

          That’s how I found myself riding three-up-front in the Official Ideal Farms Transport Truck into the City. What an operation! Everything is on custom made rolling carts (they do their own welding and fabricating) that fit snuggly in the back of the truck and get wheeled onto the lift-gate and lowered to the ground and (very) hastily set up because as Jan warned me, “They’ll all be waiting for us!”

          She was not kidding! It was like the early morning Black Friday opening of Walmart! These folks knew that the good stuff goes quickly and even though Jan tries to bring as much as they can, eventually things sell out.

          Especially those donuts!

          Jan feverishly set up one of the two cash registers as Kyle and I wheeled the set-ups around and quickly put the Farm Stand together.       We were very ably assisted by Joan.

          Joan live in this high-rise and is an old and dear friend of Jan’s from back in her singing days in the Village.

          The things that you learn about folks when you’re squished in the front seat together  😊

          Joan waits for a call from Jan, usually when they are entering the Tunnel. Joan then goes outside and procures the first available parking spot in the Loading Zone which is thankfully right in front of the set-up area. On this particular day, the Parking Gods were smiling down as we were able to slide into the very spot that a truck happened to vacate as we put our directional signal on.

          I claimed full responsibility for this fortuitous opportunity as it was obvious to me that I had brought an abundance of good luck to them!

          Not having a clue what to do after the set-up was completed, and having exactly zero knowledge of working the register, or what any of the prices were, or how to work the digital scale, I made myself busy by appointing myself Chief Security Officer in Charge of Tomatoes.

          No one was going to plan a fruit-type heist on my watch!

          Well, it turns out that none of that was necessary. These folks really like Thursday when their friends from the Country roll in with fresh veggies straight from the Farm, and at reasonable prices to boot! Jan is on a first name basis with most of them and it was great to be introduced to all of the customers. Many of them are current or former Broadway actors, musicians, and/or stagehands that still reside in this area that is within walking distance of Times Square and the Theater District. I eventually became a productive Member of the Team as I finally worked up enough courage to slide behind the second register (right next to Jan) and learn how to work the stupid thing along with the scale. By the end of the day, I even knew the price of tomatoes and apples! This position was the most fun because I was able to re-use my old talking-to-customer-skills from the Chatterbox.

          I had a blast!

          The time flew by and soon it was time to roll everything back into the truck. We closed up by around 5:30 or so and were on our way back into the tunnel by 6 o’clock. Just in time for Rush Hour.

          I fell asleep on the way home, no surprise there!

          The rest of my days are spent on various activities like painting and working on our Second Year Yearbook. I have a lot to catch up on with this project and I am happy to report that by the time Miss Paula gets back home, I will be up to date with it. Here is what I’ve done before. Actually, every trip that we take I make a hardcover photo book about it. Way better than the old days when we had to put those 4×6 glossies into the four-corner tabs in the album!

          The painting part is not house painting, it’s artistic (I hope!) type painting. I’ve taken to painting small scenes on oblong pieces of wood, usually about 2” by about 15”, (just think “Panoramic”). These scenes so far are of my minds eye projections of Coastal Maine, complete with the requisite lighthouse and islands. Throw in a few schooners and colorful fishing/lobstering shacks and voila! There it is! I’ve also done some Country Scenes, with farms, churches, little villages, and a Country Fair thrown in for effect.

          Examples shown here!

          Believe it or not, I am trying to get to the point where I can sell these little guys. A little extra income for us retired folks is always a good thing! Plus, I love making them! I’m working with Erin Brady who designed our incredibly awesome Chatterbox website and logo to help me plan how to market these little pieces.

          If any of this pans out you will all be the first to know because the Plan is to attach whatever we do to this blog!

          The last activity of any consequence was that I was able to help my grandson Andy, with his acquisition of a BMW Z3. It’s an older model about 20 years old, with 190,000 miles on it but it is in incredible shape, and he was able to buy it nicely below what it probably should have gone for. Andy is one of those kids that can do research like nobody’s business. He found this baby down in Maryland and soon struck up a long-distance relationship with its owner, Bob, who is older than I am. But Andy knows what he’s talking about, and Bob was really impressed with what Andy had planned and the fact that he could drive a stick-shift car. His present vehicle is a very rugged Toyota Tacoma with a five-speed. Andy has already had most of the truck apart, fixing this and that, so he is the perfect candidate to get another vehicle and be able to do most of the work himself. Guess who got all of my (tons of) extra tools when I downsized my tools in order for them to fit into the motorhome?

          Yup….. Andy.

          We borrowed my nephew Paul’s almost brandy-new Ford F-350 Quad Cab and his big flatbed trailer and drove down to just outside Baltimore last Sunday. Everything panned out and the car was in better shape that we had hoped, so the deal made, the car was strapped down, and away we went.

          There was a grin on Andy’s face for the four-plus hours that it took for us to get back home. It was great to be able to spend that much time with just him. He’s almost 18 years old now, so I know that these kinds of times will become rarer. We’re planning a photo-shoot for this afternoon to properly introduce his new ride to the world. Plus, I get some extra practice with my new camera! These photos will be available for your viewing pleasure at a later date, but for now, here’s one from the driveway….

          So, that’s the report from Mouse Land. The Cat will be home soon and hopefully things will get back to our somewhat normal state of being and we’ll high-tail it out of here before the snow fly’s!