Would you like a Sunroof with that Sir?

Scene: Officers Jim Reed and Pete Malloy (Kent McCord / Martin Milner) in Squad Car patrolling streets on the outskirts of Corpus Christi, Texas. Usual banter between them when the radio crackles to life:

“One Adam -Twelve, see the man in the motorhome stuck under the Route 77 northbound underpass to Labonte Park.”

Reed: “Roger Dispatch, we’re on our way.” (Turning to Malloy) “Again?”

Malloy: (Shaking his head in disgust) “Jeez! When are these motorhome Bozos gonna learn that you can’t squeeze large solid objects under a low bridge? It’s not like there isn’t a sign there!”

Reed: “Yea, this’ll make it, what, three so far this week? I wish I had the local RV roof repair concession around here!”

Malloy: (Rolling his eyes) “Wonder what we’ll find this time, the last guy was going so fast he peeled it back like a can of sardines! Did you catch the look on his wife’s face? Boy was she pissed!”

Reed: (Laughing) “Yea, I’ll bet she made him get a third job just to pay for it!”

Malloy: (Pointing out of the windshield) “We’ll find out soon enough, there they are!

Reed and Malloy exit their squad car and peer up at the top of the motorhome which is now sporting a brand-new Sunroof. All of the satellite domes, A/C units, and antennae which were once sprouting proudly from the roof, are now deposited in a jumbled mess behind the motorhome.

          Well, that’s TV for you, always exaggerating the specifics to get ratings! I guess that could have been the scenario, but as Sergeant Joe Friday would say, “Just the facts Ma’am, only the facts”, here is the true story of the “Close-Encounter of the Underpass Kind”.

          We were travelling on Route 77, just north of Corpus Christi, Texas. It was getting close to lunchtime and it was time to switch drivers, so we started looking for places to pull into. Paula was driving and I was Navigator. Looking at the map and my Google app, I could see this Labonte Park coming up soon. I suggested that we use that for our stop. It was located on the other side of the road, but typically, these parks are accessible to both sides, so we watched for the signs. Sure enough, we immediately spied the usual brown “Park” type signage coming up. Getting into the right lane, more signs, ok, here is the ramp, nice straight exit bringing us down a sloping grade and running parallel to the highway for some time. We could see that we were going to be directed left and under the roadway to the Park on the other side.

It was a good thing that the road had a right-angle turn to it which basically brings us to a stop before making the turn because there in front of us was the Underpass. Not just any underpass mind you, it was the sinister looking one with plenty of pre-existing damage to its concrete and steel.

          Grind to a halt.

          Signage reads 12’ 6”

          We are about 12’ 3’’

          Should be able to clear it, but….

          Ok, get your Geometry books out now, the approach to said underpass was not level! There was a small ramp getting into and out of it. We are 40’ long with the wheelbase shorter than that but if one set of tires is down and on level ground while the other set is still on higher ground, that actually increases our effective height! And besides, who did, and where from, were these measurements taken? Remember, these are the same people who did not bother to put up any Low Clearance signs before exiting the highway, and guess what?

           It’s a One-Way ramp going down to this turn!

          Trapped!

          I got out of the motorhome to survey the situation. In the meantime, an older couple who were fishing at the end of the road by the underpass, were frantically waving their arms at us in an effort to stop us before we came to disaster. I exited the motorhome and the gentleman said to me,

          ”Yo gonna hafta call the Poeleece ta getcha backed up da ramp!”

          We agreed.

          No sense in even trying to get under it. Even with one person outside to eyeball it and other driving, it just was not worth it. So, onto the phone we went. Three transfers later we finally got to the correct dispatcher who handles the “Motorhomes stuck at a one-way dead end because there is low clearance underpass and can’t get through” situations.

They all were very nice and it wasn’t too long before the Officer from the Corpus Christi Police Department showed up.

          Grinning from ear to ear, he immediately put us at ease and even jokingly asked if I could do one of those high-speed J-turns that whip you around basically in the same spot. When he learned that Paula was driving at the time, his kidding got even more intense. Paula was a good sport about it and threw me “under the bus” because it was my suggestion that we come down this way. The Officer lamented to us that the State (isn’t it always the State?) D.O.T. does not have adequate signage on the highway warning everyone of a possible height issue.

So, we got a Police Escort back up the one-way ramp. He then blocked traffic so that I could execute a many faceted K, J, L, (pick a letter) turn and get onto the ramp to the highway.  Then drove over the grass to get behind us (still with lights a-flashing) to help us get up to speed without being rammed from behind.

          This officer was so pleasant and witty that we did not mind our short delay on our northbound journey.

          Paula remarked, “This will make a good post!”

          Hopefully, it did.