Evil Plots

It came to me last night that there must be some sadistic Marketing Executives hard at work within the Cruise Industry.

                   Who else would schedule a Multi-Month-Around-the-World Twenty-Four-Hour-Feeding-Frenzy directly after the Holidays?

                   I’ll be honest with you….

                   We tried our best.

                   Months ago, we decided to put our best efforts into trying to slim down, get more exercise, shed a few pounds, and generally get ready for three-squares-a-day (with someone else doing all the work!)  for the better part of four months.

                    We mapped out routes here at home, down in town, and over at the local lake. Off we went as quick as two somewhat agile (one with a bad knee, one with compressed discs) could muster.

                   We were mildly successful, we kept our weights under control, even dipping lower from time to time.

                    Then it happened.

                   Cookies.

                   And all of the other accoutrements that go with them like buttered vegetables, Pillsbury Croissants (with butter), mashed potatoes (with butter) and even Prime Rib that always roasts up better when slathered with a nice coating of butter. Make it a Compound Butter if you want to feel like it’s for the spices, but it’s still butter.

                   As you are all well aware, this Dairy-Heaven-on-Earth goes on ad infinitum until we are all glowing with yellow buttery-looking skin, somewhat akin to jaundice, but much more satisfying.

                   Now….. Let’s go on that Cruise!

                   We are lucky if we even come close to that “Starting Weight” that we benchmarked all those months ago!

                   But who cares?

                   There is a Walking Track on board!

                   We can hit that puppy first thing, get our miles and miles in just walking around the Promenade Deck, shedding all of those extra pounds that crept up on us over the last few weeks and promise to stay with us (and then some) as we go forward….. if…..we are not ever vigilant, keeping a wary eye peeled for an attack of Dark Chocolate Mousse, or worse yet, the endless supply of freshly baked and warmed cookies that are always out at the local equivalent of the onboard Starbucks.

                   I feel an immense sense of Failure looming over me.

                   But as long as it’s Dark Chocolate, I don’t really care!