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                        One more day here in the East before we will be winging our way back to Texas. Winging, of course, is a matter of perspective as Miss Biggie is far from being svelte and therefore aerodynamic…… but “Shhh…” don’t tell her that…. she’s quite proud of the way she looks!      

Especially after her recent bath and polish.

            I’ll get into all of that and more in this Intro to Motorhomes 101 post designed primarily for the spate of newer Post Followers that we have accumulated along the way. For all of you folks that have the “Original Milage” under your belts, you may be excused but don’t be surprised if there’s a “Pop Quiz” somewhere along the way and then you’ll wish that you had taken this refresher course!

                                    Let’s start at the beginning and I’ll refer to the question that most people ask or start with and that has to do with fuel and/or milage.

                                                No.

It’s not good….. but…. we don’t drive 24/7 or anything close to that. Most of our time is spent just like you guys…. at “home”. Our advantage is that “home” is wherever we are!

                                                Yes.

About 90 gallons….. but…. we fill up around once a day and there are no hotel bills to account for (unless we are staying at a RV campground or resort, which comes from a different side of our accounting brains because that’s when we’re on vacation, not just everyday living.) And where this process takes place can definitely have a bearing on that “accounting” process because of the sheer volume of the purchase. Brand, proximity to the highway, and even the State are all factors that our Navigator/ Head Bean Counter, Miss Paula, considers when trying to find a convenient place to re-fuel. Convenient is key here as we are towing our Lifeboat (Honda CRV) and if you thought navigating a 40’ bus was challenging, go ahead and add another 20’ or so and throw in the extra disadvantage of it being impossible to put it into reverse when we are hooked up to the Honda, and you will now know how critical it is for us to be absolutely sure that when we pull into a filling station that we will be able to maneuver around all of the pumps and other vehicles without having to do any jockeying around!

We (Paula) use a special app called “Gas Buddy” that has most of the prices for fuel at service stations along the way. From there we take a look at where it is located on our GPS, and if we need further scrutiny, we look at the “Satellite” view of the map and see if there is enough room at the pumps for all of the maneuvering that we need.

                                    This is our least favorite time of the day.

                                    But it is usually only once a day as we rarely drive more in one day than our 90 gallons times an average of 9 mpg can get us.

                                    “Nine Miles per gallon! Is that all you get???”

                                    Yes, Mr. Aerodynamic Engineer, we are driving a big clunky shoebox, not an almost invisible-to-friction Lamborghini!

                                    And the faster we go, the poorer we become and it’s not because of the motor going too fast (she hums along at 2000 rpm nicely at about 70 MPH) it’s because of that friction.

Let’s play that kids game of hands out the window cruising down our local side street at 35 mph…. arms and hands stay outstretched without too much effort, which requires strength to overcome the force of the air on us. That Strength is our “motor” or effort needed to counter the aforementioned. Now let’s slip out of the local streets and hit the Parkway on the way to the shore…. Same hand/arm game at 65 (hah!) mph has that kid’s arm being pinned to the trunk and it takes every effort not to be pulled from the vehicle!

                                    This illustrates how air moves around slower moving objects and gets out of the way without too much effort (which uses fuel). Now, let’s up the MPH and see how that air does not move nicely out of the way, instead it gathers up in front of us making us use a lot more effort (fuel) to push through this bunched up air. Unless of course we are that Lamborghini who slips through the air before that air even knows that it’s there!

                                    And we are that proverbial “shoebox” of non-aerodynamicalness (spell-check definitely does not like that word!) that resists any form of forward movement which is an issue because that’s how we travel. Hence the balancing of time needed to get from A to B, then needed speed, and finally, the cost of a gallon of fuel.

Notice I said Fuel.

It’s not gas, we don’t gas up.

                                                It’s fuel, as in Diesel.

                                                We need to be cognizant of this as we’d be laughed out of the truck stops and made to give back our giant western belt buckles if we walked in and announced we’re here to get “gas”.

                        The other factor in mileage comes from Mother Nature herself and the “winds” that she throws at us. The windier it is, the more effort is needed to keep us traveling straight and true. All important variables. It seems that we never get a tailwind which would help us along. Nooo… it’s always a headwind or lateral winds that we encounter. And traveling out West where the horizon is visible millions of miles away which gives Mr. Wind a really goodly amount time to get barreling along…. Interstate 10 in western Texas has lateral winds that can clock in at 40mph! That is when we wish that the motorhome was equipped like an airplane with two sets of steering apparatus available!

                                                That about sums up the Fuel Economy portion of this lesson. Let’s move on to some more rewarding albeit more tiring aspects of this venture… washing and waxing this behemoth.

                                    First, I need to express some exasperation that I’m sure is more imagined than real and that is the apparent condition of every other Motorhome on the highway. To me, they all look like they just rolled off the showroom floor, all clean, chrome dazzling in the sunlight, nor a speck of road dust to be found….

                                    Then there’s us.

                                    Sometimes I feel like the Beverly Hillbillies rattling down the road in an old clunker. I try to rationalize our apparent state of being saying to myself (and anyone else that will listen)…..

“Hey! We do this full-time! We don’t have a garage to keep it in, we drive all the time, not just for a long weekend or weeks’ vacation and then have our “guy” come over and spiff it all up again!”

                                    I’m that guy.

                                    And this thing is big!

                                    And it’s mostly black which means that if I try and wash it in the sun…. well, that’s just a recipe for disaster. So, I try and wash one side in the morning (Western side) and the other (Eastern) in the afternoon. Cloudy (non-rainy) days are my best friends as I can wash at any time! And yes, I’ve even stood out there in the rain because the rinse is “Rainwater Soft” and does not give me as many “spots” when dry as the hose does. And there’s nothing worse than having waters pots on an otherwise clean surface!

                                    But I get them all the time.

                                    Do you know how to get rid of them?

                                    By hand.

                                    Spray detailer in one hand, microfiber cloth in the other. There’s approximately 1000 square feet of exterior that needs to be gone over by hand. And half of it needs to be done on a ladder.

                                                But…. when it’s done there’s nothing better than cruising down the Interstate in a gleaming torpedo of a vehicle!

                                                But…. the slightest little, 10 second, drizzle will make that effort all for naught.

                                                That is why since Miss Biggie is now all spiffed up ready for her trip back to Texas, we will be taking the northern route via Canada to get back home because there’s some rain forecasted for Alabama and we ain’t gonna go through that!

                                                That’s enough for now….

                                         Next lesson will be about living in this thing!

Thanks for reading  😊

                        Depending on when you read this, we have sixty days until our ‘Round South America Voyage on the Majestic Princess embarks. This means that there are a few things you need to get in order so that you don’t hold up the ship’s departure from Los Angeles and have all of the other passengers be mad at you!

                        But, no worries, they won’t get mad because the ship WILL NOT WAIT FOR YOU!

                        For those of you that have joined the Blog since our last big cruise, the World Cruise of 2023, we will be going over some of the requirements and customs of these extended voyages. For those of you that were on board with us for the 111-Day Cruise, relax because this one is a mere 51-days, so a little less of everything will be needed.

                        Back to that statement of Non-Waiting by the ship.

It’s true.

Everything that you’ve heard or read about passengers being left behind in strange ports by cruise lines is 100% true. (You will find that upon further investigation that the fault lies with those dawdling passengers) So, the Pre-Dinner Entertainment of lining the rails with our umbrella beverages in hand, waiting to cheer on the desperately late-running passengers will still be a highlight of our everyday routine!             

Except Sea Days for the obvious reasons! On those days we will be entering the Passenger Pool of Betting on which “Fell Asleep in the Sun” sunburn is the best (?)                  

  (Stop in the Casino for entry forms.)

            As for what to pack…..

                                                Fortunately, we have gained Elite Level status with Princess Cruise Lines which entitles us to (among other benefits) free laundry services! So, depending on how many other passengers on this voyage have this status, will determine how many days of clothes we need to bring along.

                                                Explanation.

                        Let’s take the average 7-to-14-day cruise for example. The percentage of Elite passengers compared to the rest of the passengers is quite low so the staff that handles this particular Laundry Service has less to do on any given day, therefore ensuring that the turn-around time for your undies is no more than one or two days.

                        Now let’s go on one of these longer voyages where everyone is old and retired and has been cruising since Columbus started this rage back in ’92. Lots of folks are in the Elite Level making that workload down in the laundry room just a tad more intense. What do you think that LDF (Laundry Delay Factor) is now? Rumor has it that on the World Cruise the wait-time for returning garments hovered around four days!

Heavens! What’s a person to do?

You can always wash a few things out in the sink, but they frown on you drying stuff out on your balcony….. you know, unsightly privates being blown about the other decks is not what people signed up for. So, packing enough of everything, whilst balancing your specific wardrobe needs will be the Computation Task of Maximum Proportions before you set sail. I usually like to take a few different shawls with me to add some variety to my basic ensembles… Oh wait… that’s Paula! Not me!

            I, on the other hand, would like nothing better than having several different style tuxedos for evening attire.      

            With matching vests of course.

This course of Wardrobe Management was immediately vetoed not because there was no room on board for such things (there’s tons of storage). Nay, this idea was jettisoned because there was no room in the budget not only for the procurement of several Tuxedos but also because (for example) on the World Cruise it would have cost us over $400.00 to ship one large suitcase back home if Harold and Sherry had not agreed to transport it from one side of Florida to the other and have it wait for us to pick it up in the future when we visited.  

            So, few khakis and polo shirts will suffice nicely.

Let’s move on to the next best thing about these Cruises (other than the Chocolate Desserts every night!) that being the Excursions in each Port. While it’s fun to just be on the ship every day scanning the horizon for whales and Jack Sparrow and the Black Pearl, finding our way ashore and exploring foreign ports is just as exciting.

After gaining experience on the World Cruise with the negatives (all those old folks with Mobility Devices clogging up the gangway) and figuring out that the best way to experience a port may very well be on a tour with just a few members (rather than a busload of forty of your new best friends) we have opted for quite a few ports being booked with Tours By Locals. So, get ready for some really fine adventures as you all will be accompanying us on these Tours. With any luck there will be ample availability of Photographic Opportunities as I have an additional year of experience under my belt (or camera strap). This will hopefully provide you with that Armchair Travel Experience that you signed up for!  

So, please send photocopies of your passports, (no visas required on this trip) and also proof of your rabies and distemper vaccinations and we’ll be sure to file them with the authorities as soon as we stow away on board, er, I mean, check in with the Slave Galley staff.

            Someone has to row!

Sixty Days and counting……..

Yet another annoying test of the subscription services attached to the Blog Site.

No action required!

I am getting to the bottom of how this process works and that helps me with future readers.

Just a tip for anyone that gets the Blog but has trouble with the photos. All you need to do is go to the top right of the Post and click on “Read on Blog”. This brings you from the emailed version directly into the “online” version.

Thanks!

                        I am happy (no… ecstatic would better describe it) to report that the needed repairs to our House on Wheels have been done! Both the Big Slide-Out and the Airbags have been worked on and that work has been completed very satisfactorily.

                        The large slide-out had remained slid-in for approximately Forty days (and nights) which is reminiscent of another event of Biblical Proportions. And while we did not encounter rains and flooding of that magnitude, our stay aboard our then squished-in ship felt like what Noah must have experienced being squeezed into a vessel with all those critters (even if there’s only just two of us) ‘cuz his “motorhome” was 300 cubits long, ours is but 24 cubits!

                        True to their word, the folks up at Country Classic got us in at the prescribed time which was waaaaay shorter than anywhere else! The next-best timing scenario was from Winnebago up in Iowa and that was sometime in the latter part of November! We were told by Country Classic “Give us two days’ notice and we’ get you in.” Well they obviously got more notice than that as we were still in Montana and our travels would bring us even further westward to Washington, Oregon, Utah, and Colorado before we made any turns to bring us back to the East Coast.

                        Tommy’s (Yetter’s Diner) parking lot never looked better on that Wednesday afternoon that we pulled in. And at 8 am the next day we were sitting at County Classic waiting for the boys to look us over. In a previous post I diagramed how these slide-ins work so I won’t bore you with a rehash of that but one does need to have some experience with how these things work and what may cause it to go kerflooey. These guys have it in spades because this is what they do. And they do it well! With about fifty (50!) Google Reviews, all with a perfect Five Star Rating…. well it just doesn’t get any better than that!

I was fairly sure that we were going to find some crunched gears or something of that nature, but the guys thought otherwise after “testing” it a few times. Sure enough, with a tad of sleuthing going on, a small gouge was discovered in the underneath of the slide-out indicating that something was scraping on it. One look under the sofa inside revealed the culprit, a small piece of wood that had been removed (by me four years ago) because it was marking up the floor. I stashed it under there in case it was needed again and after some bumps and such, it had worked itself loose and proceeded to “jam” itself, hindering the in and out progress of the slide.

                                                Ta-Daaa!   

                                                Just to make sure all was well, they lubed a few spots and checked a few more and in a total of two hours I was on my way with not even a bill to pay. I never expected that, and even though I had been in twice before for cosmetic work, I would not consider myself a regular customer! (I guess in this case being a regular customer of a body shop would not be very good thing to brag about!) So, to show our gratitude for a job well done we’re going to bring lunch over for the entire crew next week. We’re going to stay and partake of the victuals also…… it will be fun sitting there with them, I’m sure that we’ll hear some good “war” stories!

                                    Our next venture was over to Campbell’s in Lafayette, our go-to guys for all of the “underneath” maintenance stuff. Campbell’s is an authorized Freightliner maintenance facility, the place is immaculate, and they’re very friendly and easy to work with. This is the kind of place that you want to be a regular customer of. Not because something is always breaking (which does happen) but because you are performing and scheduling your periodic maintenance items as they need. That old adage, or commercial “You can pay me now, or pay me later,” could not ring truer when it comes to these big units. It’s one thing to stretch an issue and have a problem locally, it’s totally different when “local” is over two thousand miles away.

                                    This “airbag” issue is a good example.

                                    These puppies are expensive at almost $400.00 a piece and we have four of them. Only one (1) was giving us an issue, but we asked them to order four new ones for us, thinking that if one was bad could the others be far behind?

Then doubt starts to creep into the checking account part of your brain…..

Hmmm, what if the other three are still good? Maybe, it’s just one bad one…. Then you reluctantly (?) say, “Nah, let’s do ‘em all!”  

When I went out into the shop area and asked Sean (the mechanic) to see the others that came off, well there it was….. the tell-tale signs of what every rubberized aficionado fears…..

                        Dry Rot!

It was only a matter of time when the others would have poofed out on us also……. so, we paid them then 😊!

                        This is a place that treats us like we should be treated, maybe a little better. This is definitely a truck place, but we are definitely not truck drivers. A lot of those guys know their vehicles inside out and perform a lot of the periodic maintenance themselves. So when it comes to communications between them, well, they all speak the same language… “Yea your rizomizer‘s cam flangerizer has a few burrs on the semi-circular rotary plate just above the thermo-coupling indicating that your secondary fuel atomizer is delivering not enough PSI to run your motor efficiently.”

 Huh?

And even though I have some mechanical experience we get the regular-person version delivered with a genuine smile. “The scheduled maintenance of your fuel pump is coming up soon.”

 We feel very safe because we know that when these guys are underneath they are checking for “issues” before they become catastrophes.

That sums up the Maintenance Portion of today’s Post, and I’m afraid that there is no other Traveling News to report to you all. Texas is still clocking in at about 14 million degrees (Fahrenheit) so we’re gonna take our time going back and maybe stop along the way and see some sights.

We shall see.      

But don’t think that your traveling days are over just yet! It is only 66 days until we embark on the Majestic Princess for another Multi-Month Cruise, this time it will circumnavigate South America. You will be aboard with us, and we will all be jammed into another interior cabin because that’s how we get to afford these things! We will leave Los Angeles on December 1 and return on January 20 something in Fort Lauderdale. Since this is going to the extreme south of the Southern Hemisphere, (around Cape Horn) the voyage needs to be taken during their summer, which is our winter, hence the dates. As much as I would have preferred to go ’round Cape Horn in their winter, the powers-that-be in the Princess High Office thought better of subjecting their passengers to the famously tumultuous seas and weather that frequent that area at that time.

Rats!

No worries….

Just another “Subscription Test”, no actions needed!

Hello Everyone!

There will be no funnerized aspects to this post as it is simply a request for information. Most of you are what is considered a “subscriber” in that you have requested in one way or another, for the Blog to automatically come into your In Box of your email. There appears to be varying success rates with this operation and the folks at my Blog Posting/Hosting Service are only somewhat helpful. As of late there has been a nice number of newer subscribers/followers, some of which are having difficulties getting attached to the subscription services.

So, (and this is strictly voluntary) I am going to ask you a favor….

Could you please respond in one way or another to this Post? – The first way would be to simply go to the end of this Post and leave a comment like All’s good, or I get the Post but still no photos, or I need to log onto the website when I want to check your site, or anything that you would like to say or add that you think may be appropriate. Be sure to leave your email there also (it does NOT get published!) – The other way would be to simply email me directly at donhall930@gmail.com and leave your comments there. I already have your contact emails (if you are a subscriber) so I can easily match everything up and if I didn’t, when you do this process, I will have it!

I thank you in advance for your cooperation and as always, I thank you for reading the blog and following us, for while it is fun to just write, it is way more satisfying to write and have someone read!

Best to you all,

Don

                        The Parking Lot at Yetter’s Diner is filled with curious onlookers waiting for an event that usually occurs in the Spring. There are numerous folks outfitted with the latest in digital binoculars while others are clambering to the highest positions that they can find, primarily on the top of the dumpster. The Buzz has reached crescendo-like proportions as each day passes waiting for the rumored return of the Freeloaders, those gypsy-like travelers who appear out of nowhere and take up numerous parking spots with their gigantic migrating vehicle of choice…. The Wallowing Winnebago.

     The Good-byes had been all accomplished back in the beginning of August with the promise of “See ya next year!” ringing in everyone’s ears.

          The applause was deafening as the Freeloaders left their roost, little did they know that it was an applause of relief as those sending them off were all employees eager to get their coveted parking spots back.

               Hah! Fooled ya! Here we come again, jostling our way back into your lives and parking lot for what is being touted as (“Oh No! Here they are Again?) The Return of the Parasites.

  This has apparently upended everything as all of the usual Rites of Spring have been sent into chaos. Reports of tulips sprouting and birds migrating northward have filtered back to this region.

The Monks over at San Jaun Capistrano are having fits.

See you soon!

                        This one may seem to be a little out of sequence, so an explanation is in order…. When we were visiting Phillis and Steve in Seeley Lake, Montana we had the opportunity to visit the ‘job site’ of a gentleman who was at first an acquaintance that did a kitchen renovation for them, and then became a friend. We were invited to visit his current multi-year project that is being crafted for a family who will remain anonymous. It is this anonymity that needed to be affirmed, and permission sought (and granted!), before any publication could proceed.         

So, I will now introduce you to Kris Mitchell, Woodworker Extraordinaire, and his current creation of a mountaintop retreat.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

One of the best aspects of traveling around is that we get to meet folks that we never would have had the opportunity to meet. I know that sounds obvious, and it is, but when we come across an individual who has positioned themselves in life to be “Of Interest” and we get to interact with them, then they become one of those “better features” of our travels. So, similar to our meeting Henry and his Hawks back in New Hampshire (June 29th), you will find that Kris excels at what he does…..

                                    So, here for that “I Can’t believe That Someone Can Do These Things” part of your brain, I give you, Kris Mitchell.

                                    Kris has no superpowers, he is just a tried-and-true carpenter at heart, learning his trade from both is father and grandfather. He said, “From about ten years old my Saturday mornings consisted of about ten minutes of cartoons before my Dad announced, ’Let’s go! Job site’s a callin’!”

                                    We came across Kris because he is doing some work for our hosts, the McNeill’s. Kris installed a new kitchen area in the apartment attached to the hanger here at Seeley Lake Airport. They in turn found him when they ordered the new cabinet’s et al, from a local supplier and Steve asked if they knew of anyone that could install them. The guy mentioned Kris’s name and that “he’d probably like the work in the winter ‘cuz his regular project sits dormant until the spring.”

 Well, it’s this ‘regular project’ that we are here to see and learn about.

                                    High up in the mountains, just a little southeast of Seeley Lake, on almost sixty mountaintop acres, sits a collection of buildings designed to honor the past while also being as modern as they can be with regard to functionality and environmental aspects, and of course working in, and honoring, those old aesthetics.

                                    The gentleman who owns this mountain top is the premier concert/event lighting guy in the nation. If you’ve been to any concert or event of late where they need to have total control of their own lighting, then you’ve probably witnessed his work. The owner is smart enough to not only listen to Kris’s suggestions when it comes to how things need to be done, but he also receives Kris’s input on some of those aesthetical parts that bind all of this project together. Kris is uniquely qualified in this area as he has truly positioned himself “off the grid” and while this aspect is noteworthy in itself, it lends a certain way of thinking when constructing buildings for someone who gave Kris this challenge…. “I want to be able to walk fifty yards away and turn around and not ‘see’ anything” No ostentatious clearing of mountain tops for all to see way in the distance for this guy!

                                    Now let’s take a look at these homes and outbuildings. This project and Kris’s demeanor could qualify in this day and age for their own reality show. Not Gordon Ramsey screaming obscenities if he finds a fallen souffle, more like Julia Child smiling as she is teaching us how to make Boeuf Bourguignon.  His crew is as loyal as the day is long and this is crucial, as you may imagine, to achieving the desired results both in quality and timeliness. Many of the crew stay up on the mountain for weeks at a time because commuting is not an option. When the best guys sometimes come from far away, then conditions need to be guided so that results are in fact realized.

                                    That’s why the first building erected up top was a combination garage, storage, dance barn, and temporary bunkhouse for these guys. Kris and the owner knew that in order to complete the rest of the facilities (which include the main house, two guest houses, and a caretaker’s cottage) the all-important workforce and their relative comfort would become a priority. It also allowed them to get some practical experience here on the mountain before tackling the other buildings. That practical experience is the part of this project that Kris is best at. When you see the materials that they are working with your admiration for the accomplishments so far, skyrockets.

                                                They use whole trees.

                                                Not just any tree.

                                                48’ diameter Doulas Firs.

                        The really big ones come from another part of Montana, but the ones used for the ‘regular’ lumber that they mill have come from right here on the property.

                        Then they cut those giants into incredibly large posts and beams and the rest into something that resembles a 4 ish x 12 ish  x 16 ish  rafter, all cut on the premises at the mill that’s set up a quarter mile down the driveway (or road). As you can tell, they cut their wood to the dimensions that work the best for their application. Now, not all of the materials need to be manufactured on site as they are not needed to be. Take the interior walls for example. The white ‘painted’ boards came from a barn in Pennsylvania, while the red boards came from Ohio and one of the floors in here came out of an old wheat barn in somewhere I cannot recall (when they did all of the threshing of wheat by hand). Those planks are over four inches thick, and you can see their wear and tear just by looking at them. This kind of an effect cannot be ‘manufactured’, but it does need to be sourced. Authentic is the watchword of this project.

                        “That’s all well and good Don, but where do they find all of these different kinds of wood and materials?”

            I’m glad you asked that oh great Director of Procurement!

                                    Kris’s next area of expertise is this exact attribute. He has worked all over the USA and has contacts in about twenty-seven states, so this makes it easier to get things done. He travels around and when he finds an old barn for example, one that’s ready to come down, he gets someone to disassemble it, pack it up, and haul it either back to home base or wherever the current project dictates. He has the ability to “store” materials that he knows can be used in current and future projects on his property not far from here. Kind of like Joanna Gaines rummaging through her antiques barn in search of the perfect door hardware.

You get the idea.

            The “Big House” will actually not be very big. It will be rather normal and that is exactly what is wanted. Coming in at a little over 2000 square feet, you can see that it is not a grandiose edifice, but then, it is not wanted to be. Remember that the owners want it to sort of just “blend in”, hence it’s relatively normal size. Instead of a large house with many bedrooms, the property will have two separate Guest Homes for visiting family and friends leaving the main house for the owners. Now don’t go thinking that that main house will not be set up for entertaining the folks staying on the mountain with them because a good part of the 2000+ square feet is taken up with a great room, an awesome kitchen, and ancillary entertainment spaces which will allow the main home to be a gathering place for all. It will even have a two-sided fireplace constructed of the rocks found on the property.

                        While the plans are fairly secure in theory and design already, there is enough wiggle room for the owners and Kris to modify aspects of this design as esthetics and practicality come to light as the project advances. Since this is obviously a totally custom build, there was no opportunity to tour a Model Home and envision how it would turn out. Many a detail and sketches were scribbled on a cocktail napkin during some of the building meetings!

                        The main part of the home was just being started when we were there so I don’t really have any good photos of that to share ….. yet! We cannot wait until next year when we return to Seeley Lake for a visit and with any amount of luck, we’ll be able to visit Kris again and see how all of these “artists” have progressed with their “Masterpiece”!

                                    We have illegal aliens on board.

                                    To make matters worse, in the eyes of the law they are considered stowaways. Depending on which country and/or port you embark from should determine the severity of the hopefully ensuing penalties. I say should because there are some mitigating circumstances. And provided of course, that the ‘alleged’ offenders are, in fact, apprehended.

                                    So far they have been successful in eluding capture. We have the finest equipment available to us, but even this advantage has not borne any fruit as The I.A.’s (Illegal Aliens) have been trained by the best masterminds of this century in what is now being touted as the latest and finest A.I.W.R.T.A.C. tactics.

A.I.W.R.T.A.C. (Artificial Intelligence With Regards To Avoiding Capture) is nothing new, but it seems that no matter which way we turn, our efforts have been thwarted.

                                    We find ourselves stymied at every turn when it comes to acquiring the latest technology for the detection and capture of our stowaways. We will be resorting to some older tried and true strategies in a very short order.

                                    To make things even more problematic, these I.A.’s are considered an Invasive Species as we are not sure of which port they hail from. And with most of the States that we have traveled through of late being “Open Carry” States, we are quite sure that they are both armed and dangerous.

                        The normal penalties for Stowaways usually include being deported back to the country of origin and/or up to a year in a federal prison.

                        Our “local” penalty is a little more severe.

For all of you that have already been brow-beaten into purchasing my book, my sincere apologies for foisting this message on you again but there have been a significant number of new victims, er, I mean readers, added to the Subscribed List since this was posted. So, here it is again!

But before you delve deeply into this Post, an Update is in order. When we last left our Intrepid (or is it Inept?) Travelers, they were working their way across the West via Oregon, Utah, Nevada, Colorado, and New Mexico back to Texas with an Un-Sliding Slide-Out and some (possible at times) Non-Inflating Inflatable Suspension Bellows. I am happy to report that we have arrived in the Great State of Texas in time for a possible Hurricane (Francine) and also for Madison’s 8th Birthday Swimming Party which went off without a hitch! We will stay here for about a week more and then vacate the State and continue our Quest for Mechanical Measures of Great Importance in the Humble(?) State of New Jersey (Yo! You talkin’ ta me?). There we have two appointments with our local friends that actually know how to fix these things. No planned Excitements of any kind are scheduled for our time here in Texas except a haircut which has already been acquired and hopefully there will be no others on our Three-Day Journey back up North. Only time will tell.

Now, without further ado, may I present, for your reading pleasure, a plea for even more of you to procure this most obvious Collector’s Edition!

                        So I wrote a book.

                        Let me clarify that.

                        I wrote about 21 stories that I’ve compiled into a book.

                        It’s a big book….. about 650 pages.

                        It was going to be titled: War and Peace

                        But someone’s already used that one, so I settled for:

A Collection of Short Stories for Young Bookworms.

The reason that you all are seeing this now is that I’d be a fool not to reach out to folks that I already have an acquaintance with. It’s like the guy who becomes an insurance salesman…. the first people he speaks to are his family and friends, who in turn refer him to what eventually becomes his extended business family, etc. etc. etc.

 Make no mistake here, this is a self-published project. Simon and Schuster did not compete with Random House for the honor of getting the publishing rights and in turn send me a hefty advance for my troubles. I used a wonderful indie-publishing outfit called BookBaby, which happens to be right here in New Jersey but may as well be in Timbuktu because everything is done on-line. They offer many tutorials to help authors write, organize, and promote their books. One of the first things that they recommend is to reach out on whatever social media platform that one may have and start there.

That would be here.

Now the backstory……

About ten years ago, my (at that time, seven-year-old) granddaughter Madeline, came to me with some questions about the Titanic. Mostly questions about a big diamond and Jack and Rose, but I was able to set records straight and answer her other questions as I’ve been a student of the Titanic for as long as I can remember.

An idea came to me to take Maddie, her brother Andy, and parents Heather and Jim, and insert them into a custom storyline with the Titanic as the focal point. This is similar to an old book series that I read as a kid called “We Were There at / with….” This series took a young girl and boy and inserted them into historical situations and told the story from their point of view. A classic example of Historical Fiction that was very successful in its quest to have young readers experience history from their points of view.

That story, Maddie makes a Friend, is about Maddie meeting and making a friend of Thomas Andrews, the designer of the Titanic whilst they were aboard. When you write about people that you know, you get to weave their personalities into the fabric of the story, which in turn makes that story just a little more special than just placing them there. That became my goal in this and all of the subsequent stories that followed.

After I wrote that story, I needed to write one about Andy. And then about Augustus, and his sisters, Adelaide, and Eleanor, and then my grand-cats, CubScout and LingLing (who you already know from Critter Sitting). This developed further when I added Nieces, Nephews, and Others into this family of stories. Not all are historical in nature, as matter of fact, most just revolve around those particular person’s interests. These range from princesses, unicorns, and orcas to Top Gun, big trucks, F-18’s, and furry animal families. I don’t make up the kid’s interests, they already have those. I just get to write a story about them and their particular fascinations.

            That’s how one gets to over twenty different stories just itching to be compiled into a book! This book is suitable for anyone that can read from youngster to adult, and the stories also lend themselves to being read to kids even before they learn how to read.

This is not just any book mind you…. this is a hard-bound, complete with dust jacket, real, no cheap imitations of, hefty tome of stories that are good for all to read. You need not be one of the subjects (as the stories stand well on their own) just as any story would with characters that have names attached. It’s just that these are a little more special to those that are the subjects.

            I need to go on about the dust jacket for a moment as this alone is a work of art, no pun whatsoever intended, it truly is. I commissioned Erin Brady who is an artist/website designer/graphic artist who designed our new website and menu at the Chatterbox. She is absolutely wonderful to work with. I asked her to come up with a hand drawn rendition of the subjects of the stories and incorporate them all into a book cover. She succeeded in doing so, way beyond my wildest dreams! She read each story and worked all of the subject matter into a seamless front and back of the cover and dust jacket. It is a sight to behold!

I elected to go the Hardbound, dust jacket route because if there is one central theme to my life, it is probably books. I have had a library in one form or another for as long as I can remember.

With mostly hard-bound books in my collection.

 If I came across a book that I liked in soft-back, I would scour the internet in order to find the oldest (First Edition!!!) version of that book, procure it, and add it to my Library.

            Hence my affliction of Hardbounditis.

            Thankfully there is no cure for this malady.

There is a cure, however, for my desire to propel this endeavor to the top of the New York Times Best Seller list and that’s where you all come in!

Well, not really as I don’t harbor any anticipation of that becoming a reality, but I’d be a fool not to admit that it is any author’s aspiration for that to occur!

But….. if you so desire, here is how you may procure a highly-prized First Edition of this relatively unknown Literary Masterpiece 😊

            First, I need to let you know that this is not an inexpensive book.

It is considered rather pricey at $48.00, but if you do the math, there are twenty-one stories inside which makes it just $2.28 per story! What a bargain! (FYI, I don’t set the price, it’s a formula based on size and binding)

            But wait!

If you order now I will add to your order a free Ginzu Kitchen Knife Collection and an additional one-hundred square feet of your choice of floor covering!

            Order now! Operators are standing by!

Ok, really, here is how you may order this book. It is obviously print-on-demand, as no one is inventorying it!

            And….. yes, there is a discount available for you and anyone that you care to forward this to (think friends and relatives that have kids, grandkids, etc. that you think may enjoy some fun stories)

This book does have an official ISBN # but you do not need it to place an order.

Go to:  www.bookbaby.com

Find their ‘Bookstore’ and enter my name (Don Hall) or the title, A Collection of Short Stories for Young Bookworms, and it will bring you to my “page”.

Order a book (or several!) use code Chatterbox to get $15.00 off of that $48.00 cost which brings it down to $33.00 or just $1.57 per story!

            If you do decide to purchase one, I would truly like to get your feedback on any aspect of the book. My personal email is in the front pages of the book, so there’s no secrets, but here it is again now for you, donhall930@gmail.com I welcome any comments or questions even before you may decide to procure one.

Thanks for reading this! (and hopefully the book!)