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Look Out, Here Comes Tomorrow – Monkees, 1967

          Tomorrow is Today – Billy Joel, 1971

          Tomorrow Never Comes – Elvis Presley, 1971

                             And lastly,

and possibly the most important one….

          Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow – Shirelles / Carole King – 1960

                             These are statements and questions that will never be known on this ship as the International Date Line will be crossed tomorrow!

                             But…. is there really a Tomorrow?

                             I will not go into the mechanics of the IDL again, you would all revolt and throw your phones, iPads, and laptops against the wall! (desktops would just be smashed)

                             I wonder if there are customs that come with losing a day… like a girl being able to propose to a guy on Batchelor’s Day, traditionally observed on February 29^th or Leap Year, obviously once only every four years. Sadie Hawkins Day (November 13^th) is sometimes confused with that Batchelor’s Day, (which started with St. Patrick and St. Bridget back in the 5^th century) because they have that same goal.

                             What if your birthday is on the day that you cross the IDL …… do you not age, or do you age quicker? I guess it depends on which way you are traveling…. do we get a “Do-Over” ? 🙂

                             What if you go back and forth across the line within a 24-hour period? That could really mess up your life!

                   The answers to these and all things ‘Time Travel’ related will be revealed after we cross the IDL…… but the most important item is still the last one asked by the great Carole King…….

                   Will you still love me tomorrow?

                             But…. what if…. As Elvis asks….

Tomorrow never comes?

Film at 11.

So, what’s in a name?

                             Pago Pago

                             Samoa

                             American Samoa

                   Let’s start at the beginning.

                   It’s not Paygo-Paygo, It’s Pahngo-Pahngo.

          Apparently in the Samoan dialect, every time there is a “G” it is preceded by an “N” phonetically. So now we know how to pronounce it.

                             Samoa vs American Samoa.

                   Way back in the day (1800’s) the Islands were ruled by Chieftains like most of the islands in the South Pacific. Along come the Europeans and Americans with desires unknown to the local population. Soon the Chieftains were making deals with the various foreign countries for locally obvious reasons, which caused the other Chieftains get pissed off, jealous, and downright warlike. Some civil strife ensued until the various Tribes fell in line with the uninvited foreign “Friends”. The three largest countries vying for influence in this group of Islands were Germany, the United Kingdom, and the United States. By the late 1800’s the two big contenders were the US and Germany. The US Navy made a deal with the eastern Samoan islands for a Naval Base at Pago Pago, which has a wonderful harbor. Eventually the western Samoan islands became independent but the eastern ones were reluctant to cut their ties with the United States who provided protection and was a valuable trade partner.

                             Now the craziness ensues.

                             These two island groups are very close to each other and obviously share a past history. They are only about 135 miles away from each other but……

                             The International Date Line passes directly between them! This line is not set by international treaty, but by where a particular country wants to be located with respect to it. And this has everything to do with economics! Back in the beginning of all of this western influence, the eastern islands (which had that harbor at Pago Pago) were convinced by their industrial partners in the western US to be aligned on this side of the IDL. Well that was all well and good until the early 2000’s when the western islands (named just Samoa) who dealt  primarily with New Zealand, Japan , and China, decided to “jump the line”.  Their Head Guy proposed that they switch to the other side of the IDL which would put them on the same day as their trade partners. So, on December 30, 2011, they jumped one day ahead, blew away December 31^st, and made the transition to the beginning of the IDL, a full 24 hours in front of their neighbors American Samoa.

                             Phew! You guys still with me?

                             To make things even more confusing, but in reality, makes sense, is that the IDL is not a Time Zone boundary. It passes almost evenly down through the Apia Standard Time Zone. The IDL roughly follows the 180-degree line of longitude which is the direct opposite of the Prime Meridian that runs through Greenwich, England at 0 degrees longitude. So, this whole thing is about 12 hours difference from England, located directly opposite on the earth.

                             Sort of.

As I have demonstrated, these lines can be moved (somewhat) for the practical convenience of a particular nation or area.

                             By now, all of your eyes are glazing over and you’re all saying, C’mon Don! Just show us the pretty pictures!

                             No worries, they’re on their way! But I’ll bet anything that you’ve all secretly wondered how the International Date Line works! We pass through it tomorrow on our way to New Zealand but since we are traveling south (not east or west) to get there, we stay within this particular Time Zone, so no need to change the clocks for a couple of weeks.

                             The nice folks here in American Samoa are quite content with their status as a US Territory. This designation affords them certain benefits such as protection and a quasi-relationship with us. They are “Nationals” which is not the same as citizens. You and I are citizens and by that nature, we are also “Nationals”. The opposite is not true, a “National” is not a citizen, although the route to citizenship, if they choose, is much simpler. American Samoa has a non-voting elected member in the House of Representatives. They also have a local government similar in structure to ours, with a Senate and House, and President. But the real Big Kahuna is the President of the United States.

                             Guess what company and/or industry employs about one third of the local population?

                             Remember good ol’ Charlie the Tuna?

                             Yup! Starkist has two production factories here and exports approximately 200,000 tons of tuna annually.

That’s a lot of Charlie’s!

The rest of the population is roughly divided in half with one sector working for the government and the rest in private enterprise. About 44,000 people inhabit the five islands that this Territory is composed of.

And….. there is a U.S. National Park here!

Get that Stamp in your Park System Passport!

The Park has within its boundaries, (on several Islands) rainforests, coral reefs, archeological sites, and the many cultural resources of this area.

Our tour was a family affair, Mom, Dad, and one of five siblings being involved. To say that they were ecstatic to see us would be an understatement! We were just the second ship to visit since the Covid Era and for an island that depends on this tourism as much as they do, (and it’s really only cruise ships) that hiatus was significant and was felt Island wide.

These Samoans could not have been nicer. You would expect that from the tour operators but to have the random walkers-by wave at our bus as it passed made quite the statement.

          The Samoan people are quite proud of their heritage and customs, and rightfully so. But as many indigenous peoples are finding, their traditional ways are slowly eroding. The younger citizens are finding what they think is a better life off-island. Opportunities for the younger set are not as plentiful on the Island as on the Mainland, and who’s to blame them? So, the customs and traditions are being held onto as tightly as possible by the folks that are left behind. Samoan is the first language and English is a very close second. The US dollar is the currency of trade, so the bonds with the US are strong.  

          Interestingly, we could not have purchased property on the island, even if we wanted to. Only native Samoans may own land and that is mostly passed on from generation to generation. The entire county is divided up into Villages, each with its own Chief. There is no need for any crime prevention as there really isn’t any.  They just won’t stand for it, everyone knows everybody else, and the family humiliation is enough of a deterrent to keep people from having a life of crime. There is a curfew every night and at about 6:30 pm until 6:45 or so, the entire island stops and gives thanks to God for all of their Blessings. It is asked that if you are on-island at that time that you respect this custom of theirs. The only caveat to this wonderful tradition is that you need not stop driving at that time.

 Maybe the world could take a few lessons from these delightful people!

Once again, I heard little screams coming from the photos that did not make the initial “cut” for inclusion in one of the Posts. In order not to have them all rebel and threaten to send my computer into the “Blue Screen of Death” mode, here they are for your viewing pleasure. Do not be surprised if when you opened this post you heard little cheers erupting from your speakers. They are very proud of themselves now. They would appreciate a small round of applause when their show is over.

We studied the laminated placards that were available at the Island for identifying the various species of critters that inhabit these waters. Some nice photos with identifying descriptions are found below.

We hope that you enjoyed the Show!

Tomorrow, we arrive in Samoa!

We are canceling all refund requests!

                             “Hey Don! Why would you do that?”

                   Because yesterday in Moorea made up for the previous day in Tahiti by about 4.6 million times!

                   After crawling back to our stateroom after the 4×4 Waterfall and Bone Crunching Excursion, we wisely rethought the next day’s outing on Moorea. It was scheduled to be another “4-Wheeled Expedition into the Wilds of Moorea.” It may have been ok, but who wants to take that chance!

                   Down to the nice folks at the Excursion Desk where I began, “Bless me Father for I have made a mistake….. and I’d like to cancel an Excursion after your Cancel Deadline has passed and sign up for something different….. anything but the 4×4 Torture Ride!”

                   The kind Excursion Person took pity on me as I was smart enough to first  go down to Sick Bay and borrow a ton of Ace Bandages.

Looking something akin to the Mummy, I poured my heart out to them explaining the Dilemma. After they granted our wishes, I appeared to have a Miraculous Recovery and I thanked them for their life-saving work. 😊

                   We were now booked on a Boat Ride (!) to an island for snorkeling, lunch, and some other South Sea Island Sun-Related traditional activities…. Yay!

                   Now this is what we wanted! It had been sold out before, hence the possible 4×4 debacle. Passengers change their minds all the time, so availability changes constantly…..luckily for us!

This was a Tender Port. It has nothing to do with the quality of the steaks that we had for dinner. In this case, the ‘Tender’ was one of our Lifeboats (four of them actually) that transferred us from our anchorage out in the bay, to the pier on land which was not large enough for a Cruise Ship. This is a rather lengthy process as only 150 peeps can fit in one of these boats, and even though there were four of them, they can only be loaded one at a time. But the Staff is well versed in this process, and it went smoothly. This also illustrates why some Tender Ports get cancelled because of rough seas upon arriving in said Port. Yesterday was relatively calm, but there was still enough movement in the water to make getting on and off the Tender somewhat tricky. There are obviously several crewmates stationed to help you out….. and this is not the time to be macho and try it yourself. If you fall between the two vessels (one that weighs 97,000 tons and the other about 20 tons) guess what happens to a 200+ pound idiot.

Yup! You are now something that can fit into a tuna can!

          Our ride out to the Island lasted about twenty minutes. We were kept entertained by the incredible staff of this organization. We learned Tahitian lore, words, and songs, some jokes, and other tid-bits that kept us laughing all the way.

The waters were just like the Travel Brochure! And we could see the Palm Trees swaying in the South Seas Breezes!

          Mission Accomplished!

When we disembarked on this island, we found an entire complex devoted to exactly what the excursion described only about 1000 times better! There were picnic tables conveniently situated under those swaying palm trees, an entire outdoor kitchen facility, incredibly clean (especially for a random island) bathrooms and of course, the Coral Garden just waiting for Jacques Cousteau to arrive.

 Well, that may be a slight exaggeration, as I’m sure that Jacques has seen some good stuff, but our enthusiasm could not be dampened!

          We immediately claimed one of the smaller picnic tables, (waterside of course) for our own, and proceeded to get our masks ready for discovery. They did not have any fins available and since we could stand up in most places, they were not necessary. Which in hindsight, may have been a blessing because the current coming through this strait (another island was directly across from ours) was quite swift. Walking hunched over was very effective and far less worrisome as being swept out to sea (even in these wonderful South Seas) was not desirable.

I’m sure that the Excursions Desk would have rightfully frowned upon a refund to our heirs!

I would be remiss if your South Seas Knowledge Master Class was not added to, at least a little bit!

Moorea, pronounced MOE-oh-ray-uh, (because in Tahitian dialects, every letter of their alphabet is pronounced) is about twice as old as her neighbor Tahiti, which is only about twelve miles away. Remember those “Hot Spots” in the earth’s crust? Well, Moorea traveled over it way before Tahiti did and I guess Tahiti spent more time over it as Tahiti is more than three times the size of Moorea.

          Moorea is also thought to be the inspiration for the idyllic Bali Hai, the fictional island in South Pacific which was visible directly across from the Navy base in the story.

It’s no wonder that Lieutenant Cable was so mesmerized by the sight of it!

We were too 😊

We owe all of you a refund.

                             You were booked on the Discover Tahiti’s Papenoo Valley, Countless Waterfalls, and Lush Interior by Four-Wheel Drive Excursion.

                             In fairness, the description of this Excursion was rated Strenuous, but hey, how ‘strenuous’ can it be, to be a passenger in a vehicle?

                   We will let you know as soon as we get out of Traction for our backs and other assorted bodily maladies.

                   Who knew that they described this Excursion accurately? Usually, they over rate them so that no one can say that they weren’t warned. And besides….. there wasn’t any sun! I have yet to see a Travel Brochure of Tahiti that didn’t have Bright Blue Sunny Skies and palm trees swaying in the balmy South Pacific breezes.

                   “But Don, how do you think that these Islands get so lush and green? Osmosis? Photoshop? or just plain good ol’ Chamber of Commerce marketing?”

                   Yea…. but still!

                   We wanted the ‘Brochure Look’!

So, I have no photos of the aforementioned attributes of Tahiti for you to peruse through. What I do have is some pretty cool sights, albeit without the bright blue Tropical Skies, etc.  prominently featured.

The day started promising. Some strategically placed clouds shrouding the peaks of the mountains with just enough mystery to make them noteworthy. The morning was rather sunny, until we started our journey up the coast to the Papenoo Valley that works its way into the interior of the major volcano that forms Tahiti.

Yes, these Islands follow a similar path that the Hawaiian Islands do. They travel over a “Hot Spot” in the Earth’s crust and in a few million years, and Poof! Out pops an Island!   

(Remember your ‘Plate Tectonics’ lesson from a few posts ago?) 😊      

                   Our driver, Hutu, was a full-blooded Tahitian with English as his third language after Tahitian, (a Polynesian dialect) French, (this is French Polynesia) and then English. He was very friendly and did his best to teach us about everything that we were seeing, especially all of the tropical plants, along with their myriads of uses that the Islanders have discovered over the centuries of living here. We made numerous stops along the road (?) that we were on. He would screech to a halt, jump out, and run into the bush, reappearing with some green thing that we were first quizzed on, and then told exactly what it was.

There will be no quiz on the flora of this Island as I did not pay that much attention…. they were vegetables.

          Oh……did I mention that it was the Rainy Season? All I can say is that it was a good thing that our Tahitian “Road-Warrior Beach Buggy” had a roof over the eight of us crammed into the back of it. It rained (poured?) several times as we whizzed over the potholes that cratered the access road. Interestingly, we did pass a few crews doing some weed-whacking work.

          Way out there.

          They were doing a wonderful job and it looked great!

          Back home we can’t get the major roads looking this good!

The waterfalls were impressive, it just would have been more impressive if they had been sparkling in some South Seas Sunlight!

But, they weren’t. That’s not Hutu’s fault, nor is it the Tour Operator’s, so we all made the best of it by cracking appropriate jokes along the way as only four couples suffering in similar circumstances can. Here’s one of our issues….

                   Long, four+ hour trip.

                   Bumpy roads.

                   Average age of 65+

                   No bathrooms.

          Did I mention Bumpy Roads and Old Bladders?     

It’s a good thing I’m a guy with an expensive camera that went looking for “Photo Ops” down the road! I’m the only one that did not make a beeline for the bathroom upon our return!

After we arrived back at the ship, had lunch, and put our spines back together, we took a walk around town a bit. There are the usual markets and other places of business that you will find in a regular city. I say ‘regular’ because that’s just what it is. To many, many people this is just home. It’s where they work and play. Yes, these cities are tourist destinations, but to really get a feel for anywhere you need to get into the countryside. But it felt good to just walk upright and not be bouncing around!

          So, that was our day yesterday. Today we travel the twelve or so miles across the sea to Moorea, the sister Island to Tahiti. The weather looks a tad more promising, and we exchanged our excursion from another Four-Wheel Escapade for a nice, relaxing, lunch outing on a boat destined for a hopefully bright and sunny beach with little colorful fishies nibbling at our toes.    

          As usual, you will be the first to know.

And you can contact the fine folks at the Chatterbox Travel Agency for your refunds.

 Just call 1-800-FAT-CHANCE.                             

                   A long, loud blast of the ship’s horn woke everyone from whatever reverie they were captured in at the time. Some (most) were at the Bar, many were sunbathing around the pool, the card and board games were being furiously being played in the unused dining room, and there were still quite a few having “Second Lunch” in the Horizon Court. The time was 1500 hours, or ‘Six bells’ into the Fourth “Afternoon” Watch or, if you insist, at 3:00 pm local time.

                             King Neptune and his Court had arrived from the Deep, sensing a ship about to cross the Equator with an unusually large number of possible Crossers that still need to be initiated or found worthy, as it were.  

                             Hauled, pushed, bound and tied, some kicking and screaming, we were herded into his Courtroom, hastily convened out by the Lido Deck Pool. Being the wise King that he is, he realized that with this many Polliwogs needing to be put on ‘Trial’, a representative batch of the passengers was needed…. so that the trial did not last until we reached Tahiti, still two Sea Days away!

                             This assemblage of unworthy, uninitiated, guilty until proven guilty, (NO ONE was found innocent!) was called poolside and it was there that they faced the reality of our collective felonies and dealt their fates.

                             Charges such as Gluttony were leveled at them with a narrative that was hard to argue against, ……”You have been accused of sneaking up to Horizon Court for Breakfast, then going down to the Dining Room for another Breakfast, returning to Horizon Court for mid-morning snacks, then on to the Good Spirits Bar for ‘Elevensies’, back to Horizon Court for Lunch, then back down to the Dining Room for served Lunch, returning to Horizon Court for another dessert, grabbing a slice of Pizza and a Burger and Fries poolside, then on to Afternoon Tea and Scones, back to Horizon Court for a pre-dinner snack, then reporting to the Provence Dining Room for Dinner and when finished, going down a deck and sneaking into the Bordeaux Dining Room for anther Dinner.”

                             “How do you Plead?’

                             Knowing that these charges leveled against the representative group of our fellow passenger were in fact very true, we, the jury (and by extension the Accused at the same time) yelled out even before the Accused could get out a reply,

Guilty!

Guilty!

Guilty!

They didn’t stand a chance. The ‘Malicious Barber’ and ‘Conniving Surgeon’ were summoned to exact upon them whatever Punishment was deemed appropriate.

          A concoction of whipped cream, ‘oodles’ of spaghetti (with loads of sauce!) and some other unidentifiable ingredients were dumped, smeared, or otherwise “offered” to, and on, them.

                             A raucous Cheer erupted from the Crowd! We were thankful that we were not among our fellow passengers that received their punishment!

                             The crew did not escape unscathed either. A representative of them was duly charged, found guilty, and then marched (thrown) into the pool…. Officer’s Uniform and all!

                             Eventually all were found to be worthy. We (the previous Polliwogs) were now accorded the title of ‘Worthy’ Shellbacks and allowed to pass over the Equator relatively unscathed.

                             If you know your Geography, you realize that we will need to cross the equator again in order to return to our homes which are conveniently located in the Northern Hemisphere! Apparently, there are other ‘Levels’ to be attained as one makes more and more crossings. We will have at least two crossings to our name after this cruise. It also means that if we take on passengers in Sydney (the beginning of another leg of this Voyage) and they are indeed Polliwogs, we can safely observe and be confident in our new “Shellback” status!

My apologies.

                   In yesterday’s post I told you that our crossing of the Equator was going to be “In 31.20 hours from now, around noontime, the day after tomorrow.” I must have consumed to much grog at the watch change before I wrote that because 31 hours brings us to today, not tomorrow.

                   The error was discovered when I did todays calculations. Presently we are at 3 degrees above the Equator. (This is the furthest south that I have ever been. Paula has already been to Tahiti, so this is old hat to her.) Which means that we only have about 210 miles to go until we get to the Equator! Knowing what the “number” was yesterday, I said to myself, “Yikes the Captain must have put the “pedal to the metal” last night to cover that distance!”

Then I realized that the more likely explanation was that I had “Miscalculated”

                   The Captain has relieved me from navigation duty.

 I am now polishing those evil mirrors in the elevators.

So that means that at six bells (3:00 pm) this afternoon there will be the King Neptune Polliwog to Shellback Ceremony. Presently there are over 400 polliwogs aboard, not including the crew. It may take until tomorrow to finish this thing!

“Hey Don, what do you mean by ‘six bells’ anyway?”

Well, I’m glad you asked that question! That means that you would like another mini-lesson on things nautical. I’m proud of you guys! It’s not everyone that wants to sit through one of these boring, useless learning experiences!

I’m fairly sure that you’ve heard the expression,

 “Eight Bells and All’s Well!”

                   Bells were used to indicate time aboard ships. The watches that the men would stand were four hours long.

                   So, an hourglass was used to indicate when 30 minutes had expired. (I guess this was a half-hourglass!) When the first half-hour was over, the mate would strike the bell once…. One bell.

                   At the end of the next half-hour the bell would be struck twice…. Two bells. I’m sure you get that concept now, so I won’t go through all of the four hours and their bells. Let’s ‘cut to the chase’ and get to the end. When four hours had finished the bell was rung eight times, two rings for every hour of the four-hour watch.

                             Ring-Ring

                             Ring-Ring

                             Ring-Ring

                             Ring-Ring

                   Eight bells signified the end of that particular watch period.

                   So, “Eight bells and all’s well” could hopefully be announced.

          The day was divided into six four-hour watches (6 x 4 = 24) with the last watch of the day divided into two two-hour mini watches. This was so that there was an odd number of watches which meant that the watches would rotate oddly, assuring that no one would get stuck with the same pattern of watches.

          First Watch started at 8 pm and went to midnight.

          Second or Middle Watch was midnight to 4 am.

          Third or Morning Watch was 4am to 8am.

          Fourth Watch or Forenoon was 8 am to noon.

          Fifth Watch or Afternoon was from noon to 4 pm.

          And the Sixth Watch, the Dog Watch was divided into two parts, 4 pm to 6pm and 6pm to 8 pm. The cycle would then repeat itself ad infinitum.

          So you can see how the number of bell rings had nothing to do with the actual time, or hour, of the day itself.

                   Lesson over.

                   Now you can impress your friends and relations with randomly looking at the clock and saying, “Oh my, it’s five bells already, where does the time go!” and just get up and leave.

          They won’t have a clue.

                   At seven bells into the Dog Watch last night went into the theater to see an Elton John Tribute Show. This guy was good! Now, it’s really hard to sound just like Sir Elton, but it is possible to play the piano like him. It’s just hard to do! This guy didn’t miss a note! It was quite impressive!

                   When it was over we all staggered into the passageway in order to get to the other parts of the ship. I say staggered because the seas have been moderate, which means that you can feel the movement. The stabilizers can do just so much. We kind of laughed at the situation and wondered… Is it better to have the passageway full so that we could all lean and bump into each other or would we be better staggering about all by ourselves?

                   Back to the afternoon….

                   We had some time before dinner to kill because we were shut out of the afternoon Trivia Contest.

                   No room at the Inn.

                   Or in this case, The Wheelhouse Lounge.

                   This is getting too crazy. It seems that we need to get anywhere an hour early just to get seats! That’s what we get for traveling with a bunch of Senior Citizens who have nothing better to do than show up early! (just like on land) They come in and save their favorite chairs for their teams. The rules (loosely) indicate that a team should have no more than six members. But no one checks and I know that it’s for fun and the prize is a priceless Princess Drink Coaster, but still, how can you jump in jubilation when you “win” with a team of thousands? Your chance of getting the correct answer goes up exponentially with every additional member. We’ve been to many, many, Trivia Contests over the years and these on board here, are fairly difficult. I’m pretty good at these things and Paula always contributes with a random fact that I didn’t know, and we barely get to 50% correct! So having folks scream YAY!!! when their team of a million gets them all correct is just a bit much.

          Can you tell that this vexes us?

          We’re never gonna get a Coaster!

          So, in order to feel better we went to the Good Spirits Bar and Lounge and sat at the Bar to drown our sorrows. We had an hour before dinner so there was some time to kill.

                   “What do you want to drink?”

                    “I dunno, what do you want?”

          We had met a lady last week that was going through the entire cocktail list on board and trying one of each, so….. that sounded like a good place to start.  Paula had a “Hawaiian Tropics”, and I had a “Captain’s Bounty”. Suffice it to say that the ingredients were everything that you would expect at a bar on a cruise in the South Pacific. Paula had two and I had just one as I was driving. When we were ready to go to dinner, we realized that we needed to extricate ourselves off of the barstool and stand upright. This became a source of amusement as the ship was still a rockin’ and a rollin’ through the waves.

 Which made standing and walking a chore.

Throw into the mix a few Alcoholic Beverages and we get a recipe for inclusion in the ‘Lesson’s to be Learned’ Book of Nautical No-No’s.  But we just needed to get down the passageway to the Dining Room, so away we ambled, deftly trying to place one foot in front of the other and still counter the movement of the ship.

          This is when we discovered the way to tell if one of our fellow passengers had indeed imbibed too much…. They would be walking upright and going straight as an arrow because the ship would counter their inebriated walk with precision!

                   Well, we’re now just over two degrees north of the Equator, so we’d better start preparations for the Crossing Ceremony. We’re not sure what to do, so we guess that we’ll go practice our best Polliwog to Shellback imitations.

I swear it was only once.

                             It will (probably) never happen again.

                   I fell off the wagon.

                   Actually, it was a well planned and executed sortie into the local group of little shops just outside of the Port. You know, the ones with all of the very important chachkies that are needed at the last minute before you re-board your ship. In my case it was one, single, solitary, lone(ly), can of my former beverage of choice…..

                             Monster.

                             Paula was not happy and from your previous comments to me I can tell that there are quite a few of you that are now shaking your heads in disgust.

                             But… in my defense, I was the one that put myself on the wagon 😊  It’s just that this was a chance that I couldn’t’ pass up!

 It had been 20 days, 18 hours, and 35 minutes since my last one, but who’s counting!

                             Could I have just one?

                             Could I buy just one?

                   Would I start to crave this Elixir of the Gods once again?

Or had I traveled far enough in my quest for the freedom to actually choose whether I wanted one, or more importantly, needed one?

                   Well, you can all start breathing again because I can officially announce that I am not looking forward to my next Monster. I am not counting the days until we reach a port (American Samoa, eight days, and 4 hours away) where they may possibly have this for sale.

                   I am not even thinking about it now!

                   Phew! Now that I’ve got that off my chest we can get back to the Important Stuff Like where the hell are we?

                   I can answer that!

                             10 Degrees, 0.83 minutes North Latitude

                             156 degrees, 40.74 minutes West Longitude

                   Got that?

                             That means that we have just 690 miles (69 miles to 1 degree of latitude) to go until we cross the Equator! We are steaming south at approximately 22 miles per hour (19 knots) so that brings us to the middle of the planet in about 31.36 hours from now or about noontime the day after tomorrow!

Ok, time for a Random Dad Joke courtesy of Captain Ron…

          Why did the bicycle fall over?

          Because it was two tired!

                   This the perfect time for us to have the Court of King Neptune convene! He comes up from the Deep whenever a ship passes over the Equator that has people aboard that have never crossed the Equator. These folks are called Pollywogs. You know, those little critters that eventually turn into frogs.

                   Ok, I get it, little, innocent, aqua-type creatures that eventually change.

                   The problem here is that when we cross the equator and King Neptune gets through with us, we will be Shellbacks.

                   Turtles.

                   I guess that’s better than frogs, but c’mon! I guess that the sailors of yore were not that intelligent and had flunked Biology. Anyway, the Ceremony is held on all types of ships, military included. I am happy that we are safely aboard a Cruise Ship where we are actually paying passengers and the Cruise Line would like to have us re-book a cruise in the future! I am quite sure that the Navy ceremony does not care if you want to go on another cruise or not! Everyone, officers included, must undergo this Initiation Ceremony. This ritual dates back at least 400 years in Western Seafaring lore and is observed by every ship in the world.

                   We have signed up for this event as did about half the passengers! There is definitely not enough room on board for everyone to undergo this transformation in person, so usually a few victims, both passengers and crew, are selected to represent everyone else. But the Ceremony is held outdoors where all can at least watch the Festivities.

                   It should be memorable either way and we get a Certificate (suitable for framing!) when all is concluded.

You all will be the first to see it.

I can feel something growing on my back as we speak.

          Speaking of parties….

The other night when we sailed away from Hawaii, there was a Hula Party down at the pool. We have some Hawaiian Heritage folks aboard who have been giving Ukulele lessons and Hula lessons. We went topside to watch the festivities. When they got ready to do the Hula stuff, we made a beeline to the upper deck so that I could not be dragged (kicking and screaming) on to the dance floor.

          But…. luckily, the Instructor called her Hula Dance Class out to give some very nice demonstrations. A true Hula dance tells the stories of the Hawaiians’ past history, that is one of the ways that their heritage has been passed from generation to generation. As you will see from these photos, there was just one lad in a class of lasses…… and he obviously is a fan of Rogers and Hammerstein’s South Pacific!

          Ok.. another one…

                   I ordered a chicken and an egg online.…..

                   I’ll let you know which one comes first.

          When I started writing this it was 4 AM here, which means that it was 9 AM where most of you guys are. By the time I get done with it, assemble the photos, have Paula proof-read it for me, and actually send it, it will be close to 8:30 AM here or about 1:30 PM on the East Coast. I know that you are used to me having this ready early in the morning, but hey! There are few Time Zones between us and it’s only going to get worse as we head westward!

          The last thing that I want you thinking is that I’m “sleeping in” or something like that!

Ok… last one…..

What did the 0 say to the 8 ?

“Nice belt!”

Thanks for reading!

          It was shaping up to be an exciting Sail-Away!

We went over to the port rail and peered down on the dock, waiting for us to be cast off and underway.

The time was 4:40 PM.

All Aboard was at 4:30.

But…. The gang plank was still out 😊

          That meant that we had the possibility for “Pier Runners”! Remember them? I described them (complete with photos) about two months ago in a previous post, (Ports of Call, November 2022). We rushed to get some Umbrella Drinks to watch the festivities with. Down waiting at the gang plank there was a bevy of white uniformed personnel, accompanied by the Security Staff.

                   They were pacing….

                   While furtively glancing down at their watches…

                   This can only mean one thing…. We had passengers AWOL, and the ship was ready to sail! The perfect recipe for an afternoon of crowd-pleasing entertainment!

Word spread quickly that the opportunity to watch some half-witted late comers was rapidly coming to a climax, and the rail was soon filled with anxious spectators. The Casino Staff showed up to facilitate the placing of bets and deciding on the odds for the arrival time, and whether it would be before, or after, the last line had been cast off and we would officially be able to call out Aloha! Arrivederci! Adios Amigos! See you in Tahiti!

          We scanned the official Port entrance, no one there or running down the street leading into the Port. These guys were seriously late! Now everyone knows that the All Aboard time is set so that we can depart somewhat later, leaving a small cushion of time to allow for situations like this. Usually that cushion is about a half-hour or so. But if everyone else is aboard and that departure time comes and you are not aboard, or being seen running frantically (to the delight of the spectators and Casino Staff) down the pier…… well, let’s just say you should probably have your passport with you to facilitate your flight to join back up with us at a future port.

          A cheer went up from the assembled crowd!

          Activity at the Port Entrance!

          No! It can’t be!

                    We’ve been ripped off!

 It’s a Tour Bus!

The kind that gets the “Guarantee” that the ship will wait! What a bummer! The dejected spectator crowd quickly dispersed muttering obscenities like a sailor.

Wait a minute, we are sailors!

Anyway, we were all disappointed that it turned out Ok and these folks actually had no worries about getting back on time when they were on an official Princess Excursion.

          Next time we will check it all out before placing our bets!

All of this occurred after we had returned from our Excursion to the other side of the Island to see Waimea Canyon and a few other points of interest along the way. Waimea Canyon has been dubbed the “Grand Canyon of the Pacific” (aren’t we getting tired of the use of other places being used as the descriptive for other sites, cities, etc.?)

But I guess that it works as it quickly gives the reader something that is already familiar and easy to comprehend. In this case, the multi-colored canyon walls are something that Waimea has in common with its Arizona cousin. It is quite spectacular, especially when the waterfalls are running! And running they were!

 Because of the way the Tradewinds hit the mountains around here (making their own micro-climate) the average annual rainfall up there in the mountains is about 500 inches, making it one of the wettest places on the Planet! This makes for good waterfall watching as water is the key ingredient in a waterfall!

          Kauai is the oldest island in the Hawaiian Island Archipelago. If you feel one of those “lessons” coming on you would be correct! No worries, it’s an easy one!

                   We all know that our planets crust moves above the somewhat semi-liquid insides of our world. This is called plate tectonics. Think of it as an orange being peeled into relatively large pieces and then re-fitting those pieces back on the orange so that you can move them all around. The “seams” of the peeled orange are where the “Fault Lines” are located.

          Ok, now get out your world maps and locate Midway Island, the same one that was in the WWII spotlight. Midway is actually the last island (or first as you will see) in this very long chain of islands. It is to the northwest of Hawaii, way out there in the Pacific. Ok, there is a hot spot under the sea, and it is currently located under the Big Island of Hawaii. That is why we now have active volcanoes on that Island. Over gazillions of years, the earth’s crust has moved over this “hot spot” (like sliding our orange peel around). Midway Island was once located over this spot which would make its past location where the present Big Island of Hawaii is now located.

                    See! I told you it would be easy!

                   So, since Kauai is the island closest to Midway in this very long line, you can see how it is the oldest landmass in this current grouping of islands. You can also understand how the Big Island is the youngest.

          But, Midway is almost 1300 miles away! This shows you how far our planet’s crust can move over the years because of “plate tectonics!”

                   Lesson over.

                   This “age” gives the geological features of Kauai a very nice worn-down, vegetative covered look…. you can feel their age! Combined with the rainfall induced growing green garden, this effect is like having a comfy blanket covering everything. As dramatic as Waimea Canyon is, it still has a friendly feeling to it.

                   Speaking of friendly feelings, Ron, our Tour Guide and Driver was absolutely superb. He is a native Hawaiian and can trace his lineage back as far as it can go in a land that holds its past history in a series of dances (Hula) that keeps their story alive.

                   He also was about as laid back as anyone we’ve ever met.

                   The drawl in his speaking was entertaining and sounded like he was on quaaludes or something! (Heyyy maaan…… nice bus!)

                   But he wasn’t 😊 as witnessed by his great driving skills used negotiating the switchbacks on the road to the summit where the overlook for Waimea Canyon was located. What his attitude did do was keep us thoroughly entertained with his constant banter featuring lots of local history, anecdotes, and a great collection of “Dad Jokes” that popped out randomly.

                   Waimea Canyon is 3,567 feet deep and about 12 miles long. Not nearly as massive as its big cousin, but just as remarkable given the fact that it is located on an island that, in its entirety, is less than one third the size of the other Grand Canyon!

                   Kauai is also one of the favorite places to use in films. If you have seen Blue Hawaii, Six Days Seven Nights, Jurassic Park, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Descendants, South Pacific, or Donovan’s Reef, you’ve already seen parts of this place called The Garden Isle.

                   Ok, here goes…

What do you call a cow with no legs?

                             Ground beef!

                             What do you call a cow with just two legs?

                             Lean beef!

                   Don’t worry, we’ve got a million of ‘em!

And we’ve got five (!) days at sea on our way to Tahiti to relay all of them to you!